I heard I went crazy at my listening party at Negril village last Thursday. I want to thank everyone that came out, thought about coming out or told someone else about it. Everything counts. I would blame the alcohol for my lack of memory but…I would much rather blame the people that kept handing me the drinks so we can all share the blame.
I heard my album leaked and I was mad for 2 seconds then I thought about it and I realized that might be good. Oh well. XXL magazine gave my album an L overall and an XL for lyrics. I didn't read it but I know I got an L for originality which to me is a little outlandish. If there's one thing this crazy LP is, it is original. I don't think some of these topics were ever touched on record so I'm just gonna say that's unfortunate they didn't totally get what I was doing.
What do you do when people don't get what you're doing? You keep doing it. My debut album with no sales history, no major label or cosign being released at the top of the 4th quarter is like being in a game in the 4th quarter and down by 43 points. This is gonna be a long game tho. Mad timeouts, extra huddles and commercial breaks in this bitch. I can't lose.
If I was taller I wouldn't be going through this. I would’ve been a shooting guard instead of a tweener with shooting guard abilities. Or maybe I should've just worked at being a point guard. I love what I'm going through because if I wasn't then I'd be going through something else and I would probably be more upset than I am now. I was complaining about a headache and my boy from college showed me the missing part of his left leg from a car accident. I usually write these things as day brighteners and who knows, I might get to that by the time you finish reading.
Sometimes people don't recognize me when I want them to. Other times people recognize me when I don't want them to.
The other day I got a call that I was randomly chosen to win a free funeral. I didn't know what to do with this info. I kind of don't want to cash in on this because it’s something I can't really benefit from. I don't want to pay life insurance either so my family can get rid of my body easier. I'm not there when I go. I was mad at these free funeral people after we spoke for awhile. I told them if I had just died and you guys called, then maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. But right when I'm working on this album and it's about to come out and I pay attention to all signs, I get a burial on the house. Thanks!
If you are a fan of mine, or you dig my nonsensical, cynical writing style then hit me at shastimulifan@gmail.com and help me reach out more to the people. I have an in-store signing on October 27th at Fat Beats record store on 406 6th ave between 8th and 9th street. I will be giving away free apple pies and condoms to the first 38 people. I will be in full halloween costumage: I'm coming as a rap guy. This is my 1st in-store and although I'm afraid of having a turnout like Ashley Banks (Fresh Prince of Bel-Air) I have a feeling my peoples will come out to say hey, pick up some cds and maybe even become a (facebook) friend.
"MY SOUL TO KEEP" Album in stores Oct. 27th!! WWW.MYSPACE.COM/SHASTIMULI
[3]REACT
9/15/2009: IS IT ME? PART 16
Follow The Leader is dead! The producer of my leak joint and his peoples have officially shut down the record down. I was irked at first because I thought we had this handled, and then I thought they would be happy with the exposure but oh well. Unfortunately, the track is still listed on my artwork and we (G-Clef) remixed it but I'm still feeling crazy about it. On one hand, I think it's a good record but on the other, I'm done with the topic within that song (autotunes) and I didn't need a lawsuit.
I'm trying something new. My brain moves faster than my fingers but I'm gonna just run down my thoughts and see if I can catch myself:
I will hate Kanye West and Lil Mama for approximately 3 days and I feel great about it. Certain people that were on the VMAs have music out that I didn't hear, some have music I don't get but congrats to everyone.
I used to always imagine quitting rap years ago and getting a wife and a few kids and a job and junk...then watching the VMAs and seeing people that I used to rap with perform on TV...and then I envisioned smacking my kids up or starting a fight with my wife about using all the toilet paper or gaining weight but I would really be mad about my failed career. That's the only reason I rap.
I don't like red carpets but I feel offended if I'm not on the red carpet.
What the hell is a tastemaker? How do you make a taste? I want to be one of these guys. Is that like an eccentric word for trendsetter?
I'm not afraid to admit I don't know things. I still remember the look on my face when I first heard the word "affidavit.”
"After who??" I said. I don't know who David is and I don't want to do anything after him.
I just finished mastering my album and every time I play it I tell myself that I can't switch songs or rhymes. This isn't like a mixtape and I'm almost nervous but I know I made something classic. So contradictory, I am.
I don't watch Real Housewives of Atlanta but I've seen it enough that if someone asked me if I watch it I could say "hell no but let's talk about it." I say all that to say I don't think Kandi from Xscape is ugly but I do think her face would make a great Halloween mask. I think there a lot of Halloween mask, face people, and that's not an easy feat. I wish I had a face someone would want to recreate and put on to scare people or whatever.
If there is an opposite of comedy, I would like to get paid to do it. I think I would be good at...I guess it would be making people sad. Like a sad show, I could tell the most dismal, dark, heart-wrenching stories back to back just like a comedian. But my mission would be to make people cry. I guess you would go to one of these shows if life is too good or maybe life is bad and you need to see people worse off. I think hospitals probably have these types of shows already, if not, remember it was my idea.
I'm about to get a lot of money but I just realized the only reason I want a lot of money is so people will listen to me. Any time I'm around rich folks, whenever they talk, people tune out everything else and hang on their every word.
Imagine if I was wealthy and I could ramble like this in front of people and they paid attention or at least pretended to. That would be all I needed. My interviews would last hours, I would make up stories and mottos and tell people "this is the secret to getting rich" then I'd make up something silly like "speak in 3rd person to your employers" just for fun.
Oct 27th I'm dropping my album, and I did it with about $12. This means I got a lot of love, favors and blessings. I'm not shaving my goatee until it comes out in honor of nothing at all. People always tell me what I need to do to be successful...fuck twitter...but please follow me. Twitter.com/shastimuli
"MY SOUL TO KEEP" Album in stores Oct. 27th!!
[4]REACT
8/24/2009: IS IT ME? PART 15
I haven't written one of these in a while, mainly because I was focused on my album, secondly because I’m combining my strange thoughts into a book, and thirdly I didn't think the HHG fans were really receptive to my attempts at day brightening and writing stuff outside of the box of your usual "what I've been up to" blogs.
The devil named Twitter has abducted me and I write updates and use the @ symbol more than ever in my life. So what? Sue me. I never knew the net would take over the rap world the way it has. For example, an NBA player who shall remain nameless was on my phone the other night challenging me to a battle against a rap guy he's a fan of and the 1st thing I'm asking is "Is he on youtube? What's his myspace page?" And I'm saying to myself, if he isn't popping on the net then he isn't popping. Is that really true? Where do the streets and cyberspace really separate? Is it me or are there more and more ‘less talented’ people with their finger on the email blast update trigger than you can handle? How does a fan differentiate from what person he should pay attention to because they're hot, from the dude that is just persistently in your face and appears to be hot? You know how many days I hear about what I need to do from someone? There really is no one answer.
As I listen to this Ginuwine album that is in my playlist with Maxwell, Dream and Jazmine Sullivan, I realize that I might just be a hater of rap because I don't even know where to begin to find good music any more. Truthfully somewhere in the back of my mind I believe every one is competition and that contributes to some of the hate. But naah I still give credit where it's due. I'm thankful for the Slaughterhouse fellas for stressing lyricism, I'm happy Wayne signed some people that can rap but there's some days that I feel bad for the fans. There are so many damn rappers and my "Follow the Leader" http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?id=322027675&s=143441 song may have hinted that there should be a test or criteria for artists but it’s not enough. See this is why I don't talk about music.
I'd rather talk about how Real Chance of Love is entertaining as hell but may be poisoning our youth and either way, I'm going to tune in every week. I should’ve pointed out how much I enjoy watching Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight anytime it comes on and it's the deepest character portrayal I've seen since Tupac became Bishop. To have a role kill you is brilliantly eerie. Or how about Robert Downey's performance in Tropic Thunder? The raciness combined with stereotyping is so comedic that I have to watch it every time it airs, but what trips me out is how much he sounds like Kramer's lawyer Jackie Childs from Seinfeld. I'm sleepy. My album comes out October 27th, I don't know if it's crazy...because it's mine and that's like someone asking you if you think your mother's pretty. She is though...so you should buy the album and check out the promo if you haven’t seen it already on hiphopgame.com.
"MY SOUL TO KEEP" Album in stores Oct. 27th!! WWW.MYSPACE.COM/SHASTIMULI
[8]REACT
6/10/2009: IS IT ME? PART 14
So that's it? Just like that it’s all over? Last week, I got a few email blasts, this week I got summer jam footage sent to me, and people's statuses and convos are all surrounding Jay-Z's "Death of Autotunes" record.
I am genuinely happy about this song, because it shows no matter how old you are, you can still make an impact on people. Also I'm just excited that Jay used his power for good for once. Promoting champagnes, vehicles and drug dealing works for bragging rights but when you're owning sports franchises and rubbing elbows with the president, you kind of have a little more responsibility.
So is that really it? Are the same DJs that said Ron Browze and Webstar know how to make good records and were bringing NY hip-hop back; are they going to change their (auto)tune and stop playing their music? I really don't care but it’s just interesting that I mentioned this trend getting out of hand, and so did a bunch of other rappers, bloggers and commonfolk. But not until Hova himself declares its death, does Autotune get laid to rest.
Was that T-Pain on the stage dancing around with Jay? The great T-Pain! What a trendsetter he is. I still remember laughing and enjoying his infectious singing on that E-40 monkey song. No one thought I was serious about liking that record but who knew?
And did I hear that Jay said Wayne and Kanye use the effect correctly?? I'm confused because I thought those guys were the biggest culprits of following the leader.
Throw in 50, Diddy, Snoop, and everybody and their mama that tried it out for a record or 2 and you have what the radio would have believed to be a winning formula.
I think Jay's song wasn't just about Autotunes though, it was more about music itself becoming watered down. It was about people mirroring other people for fear of being different and trying to survive on their own. It was about "Stanky leg" and “Ricky, bobby” and “Swag surfing,” and songs that are so ignorant that they become bigger than the artists that record them. These songs aren't necessarily bad but when they become standard representations of music and an era we are in, then it just isn't an accurate portrayal.
I'm not going to beat a dead horse but it’s a little scary that a 40-year old rapper that has retired more than once, has to come back again to save music somewhat. There has been no torch passing, no handing down, no vouch for an up-and-coming guy that can continue where he left off. Whose fault is that? Does everyone not named Jay suck? I’m getting off the topic.
Autotune has been around forever. When artists create music today, they are faced with the problem of making their records sound like “today.” So if “today” means your chorus has a guy that can sing better with a robot effect on his voice, chances are you're going to run with it. What if you had an album full of T-Painish records, and now here comes the Jiggaman messing it all up? Just like when you had to take back your X5. This sucks. What is Puff gonna do with his album now?
Is it really over? Was it really that easy? The Wiz said the color is gold and we automatically flipped the switch? Funk Flex killed Chrysler 300s, couldn't he have crushed Autones? Will mixtape Weezy come back? Is Drake going to be ok? Will the radio programmers look at themselves and not focus totally on dollars when they think about what they're feeding the youth? Some of the same people that said they were relieved by Jay’s song were doing the Arab money dance a few months ago.
The honest truth is that the message isn't as important as the messenger. If I came out with a Death of Autotunes song, it wouldn't make much noise because I'd be deemed as a hater. B.O.B did a comedic spoof that was well received but this is something else. This not being for Itunes or Z100 makes it an Itune #1 hit, and puts it right on the Z100 playlist. This is Hova saying “I am not happy with music and instead of turning to the boardroom and checkbook to sign new blood, I’m hitting the booth and killing yall.”
All these years and not a soul has stepped up to come close to his influence. I would grab the mic again too if I was him. What is really hilarious to me though is how people are going to switch up what they were doing all of a sudden. Radio records that DJs, labels, and programmers were searching for 2 weeks ago, becomes a different sound now. Maybe you don’t need to go pop in order to pop. Perhaps you won’t need a goofy dance, a bright pair of sneakers or even a gigantic undervalued, overpriced pendant.
Or maybe it’s not over, this could be just an attempt at change. This could be a hoax or something temporary that will get overshadowed by a new Souljaboy joint or a T-Wayne song, or maybe 30’s not the new 20, and 40 is the same old 40 it’s always been, and the kids don’t want to take instructions from the last decade’s trendsetter. Maybe it’s just me, but I won’t be mad if it is over, what will bug me though…is seeing what catches on next.
[21]REACT
5/10/2009: IS IT ME? PART 13
As much as this hurts me inside I have come to grips with the fact that I do not look scary at all to strangers. I can have my earphones in bopping to my music with the meanest of faces on a dark New York street and some elderly Caucasian lady will tap me on the shoulder and ask me for directions without hesitation. I want to say “Don’t I look frightening? Why aren’t you concerned that I’ll rob you Miss?”
But I never get it out, and this happens quite often to me. I have been in the middle of conversations, or on the phone on the street and some person that I know I could easily take down and steal all their valuables just trusts in me to lead them on their path the right way. My hoodie and attitude mean nothing to people and that sucks.
I guess that’s why this retarded kid in the park the other day decided he would throw his football at me and it would be cool to initiate an impromptu game of catch with someone he’s never met in his life. This kid had to be about 8 yrs old, his mother was either watching from a distance or sent him over while she hid.
Anyway, here I was 4 minutes into it back and forth looking for an out when it dawned on me that catch is just that…catch. You throw and you catch, that’s it! There isn’t a score, no winner and no clock; the game of catch isn’t a game at all. It has no end and I had no way of finishing this torture other than running away from this excited youngster who might’ve been alone in a park. Then I started thinking maybe this was a prank and I was being filmed, or maybe this was a test from God to see how patient I am or there could be some beautiful, model Mom that wanted to know if I was a good stepfather candidate and this was how she felt out potential partners.
As I was running away I thought about how many times we as humans get caught in moments of discomfort. People go to extreme lengths to not be uncomfortable. However we all find ourselves in situations where we wish we could instantly disappear: A trip up the stairs in the party, not enough money on your debit card, surprise gas release, caught in a turning lane and you don’t want to turn. They are the tiny fractions of time that really aren’t a big deal but we just wish we could push fast forward.
We’re at a BBQ and I don’t remember her name, but she knows mine and we just had a 30-minute conversation about music, basketball and acquaintances we must both know but yet still no bell has rung. I’m texting her description to my boys…no help, handed her my phone when she offered her number to keep in touch but the drink in her hand caused her to say “you just write it in.” And now my friend walks up and I have to introduce her…
“Oh this is my peoples right here…we go waaaaay back, well we had a different name for you back then, what do you go by now?”
But her name was the same as it is now. And I still have a number in my phone under the name “Hey” because I didn’t take the time to remember even after all that but if she ever calls that’s what I’ll say, “hey” and pick up right where we left off.
Even that is not as bad as talking to a woman that has her cleavage exposed and she catches you looking at them. See the thing about cleavage is; well see cleavage is…is sort of like a separate entity or “entitty.” Two pushed together tatas that are halfway smiling at onlookers live and breathe on their own. Once a female with cup size decides to let the girls out then they have eyes and a mouth and they communicate with the public.
You can be saying one thing but your cleavage says the total opposite. If you bring cleavage to open school night to talk to your kid’s teachers then they are having a different conversation than the one you’re having. While you’re talking about your rugrats, the male teacher is asking if you’re a single mom, your breasts are saying “kind of but it’s complicated,” he’s asking them for details, next thing you know your kid is doing much better in school, is receiving awards and special attention and hasn’t learned a damn thing.
However your mammaries have changed the world, your double D’s have given birth to straight A’s! So with that said, you know what you’re doing Miss, don’t expect me to focus on your words if you wanted to have titty talk. I can’t focus that damn well. Just say what’s on your mind and their mind or just let me look at them and say hello.
I’m saying all this to say, cleavage is a beautiful thing except when it’s not. If you’re a married man and your wife’s homie’s low cut dress has you diverting your eyes to the floor every second then who’s to blame for this madness? Not you sir. The uncomfy moment of getting caught looking at your boy’s fiancée’s rack is your fault? Hell no! They are apparently out for some reason. And even if that reason has nothing to do with you it doesn’t matter. The breasts have a mind of their own I tell you and they have an ego that needs to be fed so as you look at them and she looks at you it doesn’t mean you want to motorboat her or you’re wondering what her areolas look like or if her nipples are small or big; you’ve seen tits before. You’re just being courteous and giving them the look they were asking for. If anything she should say sorry instead of doing the ‘pull up the shirt adjustment’ as if she didn’t know her breasts were speaking to the entire room. That’s why I stopped going to church.
[9]REACT
4/15/2009: IS IT ME? PART 12
I am not the biggest fan of NYC public transportation but the train isn't all that bad during the day traveling into Manhattan. “People watching” is sort of fun and there's always someone to laugh at begging for money or some person nodding off and waking up in between stops almost breaking their necks.
I thought I'd break up the monotony of running down my thoughts with just a story about an experience on public transpo one day as I ventured into the city.
Let me preface this by saying I don't believe in colds or sickness. I view the sniffles, sneezing and sore throats as things that warn you to take some vitamin C, Theraflu or some type of immune system booster if need be. So the day I was on the train and a sneeze came out I thought nothing of it.
My earphones were in, aviator shades were on, 3 chains hanging outside of my jacket, just a typical day you know?
Anyway I got a seat, and it was a two-seater seat for the old or handicapped but I was all to myself. I was riding in comfort AND style then all of a sudden I felt a slight tickle in my nostril region and what do you know?
A big ass sneeze hits me. There was no discharge and I covered my mouth in time. Then I heard a "bless you" from a kind lady that looked like somebody's sweet auntie. I throw back a "thank you" she says "you're welcome" and we're both feeling polite and New Yorker friendly although we're hoping that the sneeze cycle is over.
Until...I feel another one coming on. This must be an allergic reaction to someone's fragrance or fabric, ‘I can't be catching a cold,’ I think to myself.
Next thing I know 2 sneezes in succession and the 2 "bless you's" from Auntie Lady are a little louder as if to say ‘that's the last one you're getting buddy.’ Now we're both uncomfortable because I don't want to put anymore blessing pressure on her and I'm sure she's not in the mood to be dishing ‘em out for the next 12 stops when clearly there are others around that can add some healing words.
That's the bad thing about saying "bless you" because you never know how long that person will be sneezing and if you discontinue sending them God's graces then it's actually worse than never saying it at all.
So I'm thinking maybe I should just go to another train car or better yet I'll just mind control these attacks and stop 'em. Yea! That's what I'll do, I got this. I'm not going to bug her and spread germs and be one of those annoying people that just....wait....oh my goodness, another "achoo!" right in mid-sentence thought.
Auntie Lady has abandoned her blessing duty and pretended she's looking for something in her purse. Everyone else is looking but really not looking and hoping I'm getting off soon. As I search every pocket on me for tissue in panic mode because I feel moisture forming above my lip, I use the back of my hand to slightly pat my nose area hoping I find something to stop the disaster ahead of me. Right front pocket…left back pocket…right back pocket…left front pocket…jacket pocket…inside pocket, maybe I can use my sleeve. Repeat process, this can't be happening!
I thought about using a dollar bill and then throwing it on the ground to help my situation and look rich simultaneously. But I didn't even have any cash on me and wiping my nose with a dead president isn't exactly making it rain. One last sneeze erupts loudly and now we have a problem. The mucus meant to remain inside the nose has somehow leaked and landed on the outside with nothing to remove it in a sanitary or proper manner. All I can do is cover that area with the back of my hand and search all pockets again with the hopes some caring citizen donates a napkin.
Should I ask someone? They're all busy. No eye contact. Not even this guy with the subway sandwich eating sloppily with 83 napkins in his hand as if he just grabbed extra so he could store them in his pocket for a day like the one I'm having. Now he just dropped a stack...and stepped on them. He's doing this on purpose isn't he? That bastard. Damn you Subway guy! Auntie Lady might have tissue but she's reading like she's deep into that Danielle Steele book and when did she put her Ipod on? What the hell could she be listening to? Now she's leaving. Damn. I can ride like this for 25 minutes can't I? Man as long as I don't see anyone I know I'm good.
2 stops passed and I was seemingly clear until I saw someone that halfway looked like some girl I might have maybe known in the 8th grade. ‘I'm not taking any chances.’ I jumped off the train and asked the Arabic man at the newsstand for a tissue or 2. He said no and said he only had packs of tissues for sale. They were like $2 and I asked him to just take 2 out for 50cents(in my Chris Rock voice) but he was firm with his decision to get the full price. He didn't take debit and I started to beg sort of as more customers walked up.
So now I'm Snotty Pippen still covering my nose with my hand with people behind me waiting in line and pointing, no cash to remedy the problem and no good Samaritans around.
Then the newsstand man asked me to move my hand so he could see. I obliged and the sight of the mucus seemed to warm the Grinch's heart as he laughed, said some Arabic phrase that I don’t think was a blessing then handed me a pack of tissue to keep for free and I wiped away my sorrows.
Ironically I didn't sneeze again for 4 years. That's when that story took place and yesterday I reached in my jacket and felt a pack of tiny Kleenex tissues and wondered what I was doing with these girly things in my pocket…I don’t use tissues I use rough paper towels, party fliers, sandpaper even…then I remembered, the train!
-The Present
[12]REACT
3/26/2009: IS IT ME? PART 11
“I am not a rapper!” You may have heard this phrase from some of your favorite emcees over the years. Some of them want you to view them as hustlers or criminals that just happen to magically be good at putting words together. Others just can't rap too well and don't want you to judge them harshly. Either way, with all the issues concerning Rick Ross's past and the whispers I hear about one guy going to college for nursing or another guy getting knocked out, I've decided to compile a tough rapper taboo list. Maybe that's not an accurate title but if you're a thug emcee on the rise then these are the top things you want to avoid being labeled or things you simply want to stay away from until you reach that level of success where it doesn't matter.
10. A Job Having a job is not the worst thing in the world which is why it’s low on the list. However, it depends on what you do as an occupation and what you spit on the mic. If you kill people and flip weight in your songs but you take orders and flip burgers at work that's not going to add up. If you talk about life and times in your rhymes and you're at Verizon or UPS then no one's going to crucify you. You can always say your 9 to 5 is a front while you hit the highway on the weekends "pushing them keys" or whatever the popular term is. But if you know that's not your thing and your co-workers are going to hear your raps and say "Howard! I didn't know you sold drugs." It’s going to mess you up in the streets. It may be strenuous to work and keep it on the low while pursuing a rap career so my suggestion is throw the gig into the music. If getting up early every morning puts rims on your ride, Pradas on your feet and funds your mixtapes then you're a step ahead of that guy selling his CDs on the corner that can't buy a bottle at the club so it ain't all bad.
9. Not doing crime
I'm not saying go out and do crime but at some point you need some friends that can at least say you did some type of dirt. And I'm not sure what kind of criminal act you should get into that won't land you in a penitentiary or get you killed. But this is the thug rap guy price you have to pay. Shooting someone after your career has begun is a little late but if you weren't a bad ass before the booth then you have to get into trouble without it looking too deliberate. Think who you can stab up or who has a good weed connect or maybe find some goonish cohorts to associate with so people can say "they be wildin'" instead of "he be wildin'."
The challenging part of this is promoting it. Getting a few bullets in you was the best way years ago but even that marketing plan is old now. Facebook and Twitter are the new age word spreaders. Just imagine switching your status to "got dem thangs for 18.5" or "just made it back from one of those trips, cops ain't catch me, thank God." Or keep it simple "sellin' crack right now!"
8. Not getting caught
Prison is no joke. Any artist that's been thru the system is more focused on not returning than glorifying it. If you sincerely believe that jail is somewhere you can build a rep, secure street credibility or add to your thug résumé then you need to put the mic down, stop reading this and visit someone in a correctional facility. That's all I have to say about that...back to the sarcasm.
7. Higher education
If you have some type of bachelors, masters, PhD, high school diploma, world record SAT score or even a GED then you better cover your tracks. People will find your report card, scan it and tell the world about your academic accolades. I know you weren't thinking about your future hardcore rap dreams when you were studying and getting those A’s or when you even decided to show up to class on time but its too late now. We know educated rebels seem cool in a sense but the mystery about how a “gansta” obtains his knowledge is the intriguing part. Science awards, dean's list honors, or just finishing school period are all blemishes on your record. Of course there are exceptions to the rules but dropping out of high school is the perfect peak for an education level when you're a tough killer. Any pictures with that silly graduation cap or proof that you took it further and got degrees is bad news. Although in the case of a John Forté, who I remember as a smart kid, he didn't publicize his illegal life much and then actually served time for it. But never mind that, you can’t erase the past but be aware that brainiacs and bullets don’t match in the rap game.
6. FAMILY MAN
Everyone has parents and grandparents and all that. But exposing the fact that you have one woman or a wife can be touchy. The husband image doesn't always match a gangsta but you can work the angle if it’s done carefully. The people want to believe that you can have any girl you want at any time. They want to think that you will not only shoot anyone but that there’s no way to hurt you other than coming right at you. Having kids is kind of ok because that shows a little bit of a human side but don't go overboard and do songs about them. Unless of course they're tough guys too. Throw them into your rap beef, let them hold weapons in videos and put them on a song or 2. If you're going to have seeds then they might as well be promotional tools. Get the world to know them on a first name basis like Eminem's wife and kid if you're going to have a family. If you're not going to do that then get rid of them, they’re dead weight.
5. AUTHORITY AFFILIATION If you've ever been a policeman, correctional officer, state patrolmen, park ranger, school crossing guard, mall cop, town sheriff or hall monitor then rapper should not be added to this list. I don't know what the hip-hop community exactly has against law enforcement but it just seems to be one of those occupations that we disagree with. It’s like hearing someone is a pedophile or an alien or something if they’ve been on the force. We scrunch up our faces and look at them in disgust as if they are part of a gang…and we almost view that gang like the Klan. I don’t think like that but the public does. Maybe Rick can spin his scenario to make it cool to be a cop and things will change. Can’t wait to see that…
4. PUBLIC POVERTY
Thug and baller don’t always go together but there are plenty of times that artists have the big chain to go along with the threatening talk. The large pendant and the cool gear silently scream “I’m rich” to the people. So if you’re ever out to a dinner and can’t pay the tab without blinking or you’re on the line for a party and you make the “hell no” face at a bottle price in front of people the word might get out. Keep a baller with you if you’re not the money man. Say things like “I don’t keep cash Ma” or “My mans got it.” Give the bathroom attendant mad one dollar bills if dudes are looking. If you have to take public transportation then dress as flashy as you can with 2 chains out and if you get into a situation that might expose your financial hardships like an after the party diner trip or a female request for something while eyes are on you then just walk away.
3. ON-CAMERA EMBARRASSMENT
In this Youtube, upload footage era, people are just thirsty to see someone get into a predicament where they fall from grace. The more you build yourself up, the more folks want to see you fall. Cats will try to rob you and not even for the money or jewels but for the look and the views. They want to knock you out and film it or have your chain on ignorantstuff.com making themselves hot. This is difficult to avoid but if something’s going to go down, try and peep for the cameras because as long as no one captures it then it’s your word against theirs.
2. HOMO THUG From “pause” to “no homo” the hip-hop world has never been shy about its fear of homosexuality. Nobody wants to be thought of or perceived as a fruit. We’re so paranoid that we “pause” sentences that may contain words or phrases than can be taken in the wrong context but the truth is the gayest person in the world wouldn’t catch 80 percent of the things we pause.
I remember interning at Roc-a-fella and being shook to say anything that sounded like it could be remotely close to something sweet. I didn’t see Brokeback, I’m not going to check out Milk and yet I don’t hate anyone for their life decisions but we all know the worst possible thing a rapper can be is a same sex offender. For the females it’s not that bad but for the male emcees, a gay rumor can kill you. Wendy Williams threatened to expose the gay rapper years ago and had the industry going nuts…pause. If you happen to play for the other team then you might just want to be a music executive or something instead of an artist, you’ll climb up the ladder much faster from what I hear. Again, I have no beef with those who like to hang with hard legs, I just know of all the taboo things to be, this is by far the biggest no-no there is. So if you have ventured into that world then you should kill anyone who knows or pay them off…no I was right the 1st time…yea you better kill them.
1. LYING
The bottom-line of it all is even if you do data entry or you’re a chauffeur during the day that has never been to jail but has a masters degree in botany and you’re only crime is Limewire downloading and you live with your grandparents, wife, 2 stepkids and one child of your own and you’re a habitual informant that drinks from other people’s unfinished champagne bottles in the club and the footage of you getting smacked up by your down low boyfriend is on the internet you can still be a hardcore rapper…if you tell the truth. Hip-hop heads are strict but they respect authenticity over everything. So just say “Yea that’s me, so what!?” And you’re straight…unless you’re not straight but you can still make it and come out on top…pause.
-The Present
[13]REACT
3/4/2009: IS IT ME? PART 10
They say you learn something new everyday, I’m not sure who they are but here are some things I didn't know yesterday:
-Bill collectors are friendlier when you call them first.
-I am chemically addicted to Blistex lip medication.
-Babies really can be unattractive.
-My ability to consume massive amounts of food is not a mutant super power.
-I don’t know how to pluralize the word “Bluetooth”(bluetooths or blueteeth?) and what disturbed me most was that my “give a damn” meter has reached an all time high to a point that I am now unfamiliar with myself.
What I mean is that in college I gave a damn about a few things, I got pretty good grades, my hygiene was on point and I digested at least 2 of the four food groups daily. By comparison, in my high school days I could not find damns to give to anyone. Nothing had a consequence at all; I stopped doing homework, I never filled out a college application and if any activity conflicted with being cool then it was a no go.
I don't give a damn was my response to statements like "your girl might find out…" or "he's gonna kick your ass…" or "if you don't do it you'll fail the class..." All I fired back with was "soooo?” or “aaaand?"
I never gave a damn but now I’ve got a whole mess of damns to give. The time-space continuum has shifted and I can just see my old self in these situations of today saying "No! Don't give it, they don't deserve that damn you're about to donate." But yet still, the new me responds to informative statements with: "Good point" or "I understand, makes sense to me, you're right."
I am totally attentive to things that may cause cancer, I’m completely open to reading directions and I am almost, kind of, sort of aware of when I use profanity. I just met this guy in the mirror that says things like "I don't think I had any vegetables today" or "how many drinks did I have so far?"
What the hell is his deal? Where's that daredevil that didn't know the difference between buzzed, tipsy and smashed? Where in the world is the guy that ate fast food 8 days in a row, stood in front of microwaves without fear, had 5 "friendgirl" girlfriends, freestyle battled for nothing and would actually travel to a new place without a printed out mapquest page or navigation?
Who is this strange man sending out caring emails and text messages before boarding planes, this dude who hasn't worn his du-rag outside his home in years? Do I know this human being that would prefer a good meal instead of a party? Or for that matter over almost anything. He still goes to sleep at strange hours, his pants are baggy and he writes ignorant, immodest raps but he also blurts out left field phrases like "I need more dress shirts" and "I can't wear a hoody to that event..." WHAT? We used to wear hoodies everywhere duke.
Is there a reason why he's ready to leave the club at 2 when we used to arrive at 1:45?
When did his cholesterol level sneak into his daily thoughts? He bought a high-powered toothbrush over a new Ipod.
How did the words "credit" and "score" find their way into the same sentence when he's talking?
We used to ignore things like tip jars, friend's birthdays and women carrying strollers up or down stairs. And we used to pay extra attention to things that mattered like a perfectly shaped buttocks in a crowded mall or name brand garments we couldn't afford but we purchased anyway.
What's that? Adulthood you say? I know I'm not alone but maybe no one understands how long I've been young and dumb. My Benjamin Button dream is fading before my eyes. What's next for us? Gray hair? Rocking shoes to BBQs? A tour with KRS-1?
If you have to make plans to hang out on the corner, then it’s really not authentic hanging out on the corner. It used to just happen!
A friend of mine told me he thought the answer was to find a young girlfriend in high school to keep him hip and with the times. But I found out…I mean he found out he was just being used for his algebra and geometry knowledge. Dang. I discovered the only way to thwart this growth is to start hanging out with really old people so they can say things like "when I was your age..." And then you secretly laugh at them and not because you want to but only for the simple fact that younger people have probably laughed at you on numerous occasions and its only right to keep the cycle going.
-The Present
[3]REACT
2/25/2009: IS IT ME? PART 9
I know that I'm on my own planet with this one but there’s something that I've always wanted to do in my life even though I have never found the strength or the courage. It may not make any sense whatsoever but it has been my dream for a while to speak like Yoda from Star Wars when I do on camera interviews. I always thought Yoda was so mysterious and insightful and it would be different to address people like a Jedi master when they ask me what's going on in my world... "Working on new album, Stimuli is.
Very hot, songs are. Happy, I am...” I've tried it in a few conversations and people laugh at first but I always stop before they get annoyed or weirded out. I don't know if it would even be funny or if the interviewer would look at me like I'm crazy if he/she didn't know me but I'm sure they would wonder when I'm going to stop. But I would just keep going with it, predicate before subject in every sentence for like a half hour and right when they think, 'maybe this is how this guy talks,' I would probably forget and just speak regularly.
While everyone is talking about Chris Brown beating Rihanna up and saying things like “She should’ve used that umbrella” or “How can she breathe with no air?” I’m not gonna go there. Instead of making hydro jokes about Michael Phelps or thinking of some cool way to incorporate the Stimulus package into a song/marketing plan with my stage name in it, I'm analyzing TV commercials trying to figure out how can I get down with the Geico movement.
I know insurance is big business but how much money are they bringing in that they can afford 5 ad campaigns simultaneously? The cavemen, the talking gecko and the stack of money with fake eyeballs on it staring at people are not really crazy concepts but they work pretty well together. I'm just waiting for the day these marketing geniuses realize that an artist on Geico records (me!) would win.
I'm sure when Burger King decided to reinvent the “King” himself with the big head mask guy they knew they had something. Where was this dude when I was a kid? If he'd been around I'm sure he would’ve given Ronald McDonald a run for his money. That stoic face, the robe and tights, the fact that he plays football and breaks in people's homes; then shows up in their bedrooms with a sandwich is truly hilarious to me. Granted if he would’ve been at my 7-year old birthday party I might have ran like hell in fear but someone might have laughed. And years later...I would have too.
Does Subway really think we don't get the sexual undertone with the $5 footlong song? And how come it sticks in my head whenever the commercial comes on? Damnit, it’s there now!
Does anybody else watch Yo Gabba Gabba! and Hip Hop Harry? I mean anyone that doesn’t have kids. Kids shows have better music than the radio.
Is anyone going to tell Tyler Perry that the Madea plays were cool and the movies were comedic in a slapstick, predictable sort of way but as far as television goes that's another story? Meet the Browns is nowhere near as funny as House of Payne...and House of Payne isn't even funnier than Major Payne was...which wasn't funny at all. The only thing I feel watching House of Payne is actual pain. I’m exaggerating but I do feel a bit of pain for our race and for anyone that would think this or that Flavor Flav show are representations of Black sitcoms. Don’t mind me, I just get bitter because I don’t think I’m over Homeboys in Outer Space.
All this television talk got me to thinking about the cast of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Not Will Smith or Alfonso Ribiero. Carlton had some directing gigs, I see Ashley’s on her grind but what about the rest of the folks who used to work with this clowny rapper everyday for like 6 years? I saw Vivian Banks, I mean the old, original Vivian on the Bernie Mac show but before that I was worried about her and if she was still in the doghouse for bailing on the family. How come Karyn Parsons (Hillary) didn't get the call for I Am Legend or Pursuit of Happyness? Isn't she as pretty as Salle Richardson and Thandie Newton? And what about the big head kid that played little Nicky? He's got to be like 20 something and his claim to fame was hanging around Tyra Banks and Will Smith when he was a kid. The moral of the story is you never know. If you’re the Ron Johnson or the Dwayne Wayne of your school or workplace, don’t be mean to Lena James because one day she may just become rich or marry someone really wealthy and she’ll be too busy to come to the reunion shows or even pretend she knows you if she bumps into you…sad, life is.
-The Present
[10]REACT
2/5/2009: IS IT ME? PART 8
Is it me or does anyone else kind of hide when they see an old schoolmate that they were sort of cool with but not really THAT cool with?
Not to be Hollywood or anything but maybe you just trick yourself into thinking that person may not remember you so you don't want to embarrass yourself. But the truth is you really just don't feel like engaging in a small talk session. Isn't small talk one of the most interesting interactions ever created? Two people trying to read each other's body language and fit in years of living into minutes or possibly seconds.
Imagine running into an opposite sex acquaintance from high school, junior high school or in some cases college or an old job or something. The indecision starts with the greeting; do you just wave hello or move in for the touch and talk? Once you’re close enough, do you high five, hug or do you hug AND kiss on the cheek? Who knows? And when you're done with that, there's the rhetorical "how's it going?" Or "what you been up to?"
If mind reading was ever a necessity in life, this is one of those times.
You honestly don't care what I'm doing and me saying "same old thing" might cover it. But nooooo, I have to give detail don't I? Then I have to ask you the same thing. And you know what you're gonna do? You're gonna tell me. And you should, because my dumb ass just asked you to didn't I? Yup.
For me, the worst possible question is: "You still doing music?" Maaan that gets my blood boiling. They should really say "Please tell me you gave up your dreams by now? I don't see you on TV or hear you on the radio so you must not be popular, I gave up on my dream and I hate my life so please join me and hate yours..." But that thought remains silent in their heads as I say "Hell yeah" and my ego kicks in and runs down my award wins, magazine appearances, record deal, Myspace and Wordpress pages, and lastly I reach in my pocket and search for a CD for them to check out…
Well that was last year. This year I'm saying things like "Nah I quit music, I'm actually a whiffle ball coach on the weekends for a midget league, that's my true passion and during the week I'm a phone sex operator for an exclusive amputee hotline. That’s where I make the real bread so if you know of anyone that lost a limb but is looking for lust take my card." Then I'll look at the strange look on their faces as they try to figure out if I'm joking. Then I'll hand them the card and it will look so real that they'll be sure to tell everyone. Next time I'll have a different story and a new card for the next old "homie" I run into.
Truthfully, Facebook cured the need for these types of run-ins. I used to think Myspace was juvenile but now it has become helpful and even replaced the business card and the first date. I fought the forces of Facebook for as long as I could but there's something about seeing the pics of the girl that dissed you in 6th grade and chuckling inside as you see how fat or busted she's become. Then realizing the jokes on you when you see she's fat because she's a married, wealthy doctor with a mansion and a chef. Anyway Facebook was confusing at 1st and I didn't want to be poked, vampire bitten or made someone's pet but I can appreciate speaking to people that I assumed fell off the face of the earth just because they weren't in contact with me. Don't we all think like that?
Well this is really all about one thing that is puzzling me: Twitter! I'm not gonna lie. I don't know what hell is going on with Twitter but I don't want to be late and not cool either. I know I don't like people following me. I'm paranoid as it is. Now everyday there's more people following me and I hear I'm supposed to follow them...and then they see my convos? Do I have this wrong? And then I want to add this feature to my mobile device? Yea? That's really what I want? How did my cyber life get so complex?
Do I really want to know that another lucky guy got rich overnight because they thought of one of these friend connecter sites that was right there in front of me but I was too busy writing raps? Thanks smart guy! You think all the ideas are gone and then bam!
Twitter pops up. I guess I can see why my site: justwannahititorgetfurtherinmycareer.com didn't work. It was a little too direct. All these sites exist just to avoid real conversation. I wonder where we'll be with these in 20 years.
To think that The Jetsons was created over 40 years ago and we still didn’t catch up. Then again the Internet would’ve helped Spacely Sprockets and Cogswell Cogs but I’m still waiting for flying cars that fit in your briefcase and robot maids that take care of all your personal needs…and don’t want to small talk.
[9]REACT
1/26/2009: IS IT ME? PART 7
In my last entry I referred to the Inauguration as the “Inniggeration” in jest and some would even say in poor taste even though I meant no harm by it. I know that the partygoers eager to make connections, meet people and see "stars" represented only a handful of those at the actual event.
After seeing the masses come out to support Barack's entrance into the White House from rappers, actors, athletes and everyday people of all nationalities it truthfully warmed my heart. It made me think that the dream Martin Luther King envisioned was something from the distant or maybe even near future and not something existing in a lifetime from the past. When Dr. King spoke of his dream it seemed like something so foreign and inconceivable at the time but now we're scratching our heads and wondering if The Secret really works.
Someone asked me how I felt about the Inauguration’s events and I admitted to having mixed feelings. On one hand I thought 150 million dollars for a country in debt just to celebrate the President getting sworn in. Is this what comedians joked about for years if a Black man was to make it in the White House? Fried chicken on the menu, homeboys in the Cabinet, a Summer Jam appearance in the future, I swear this dude checks his own Facebook page but that’s neither here nor there. Anyway we were partying hard for a weekend that symbolized overcoming centuries of obstacles with many more to go and all I could think about was how bad Bill Clinton must feel for not getting any of this. Well not really but it crossed my mind for 2 seconds.
My cynical view is overshadowed when you think of how important this is for each child that will work harder to become what he or she wants or every person over 50 that went through blatant discrimination and actual Constitution changes that affected their freedom. Hell yeah it's time to party! All races and creeds should be throwing their hands in the air as we approach a higher level of consciousness.
But there are some totally on the other side that don't care at all about being happy for Obama's election, they are more focused on what his election will do for our country. They are the people that want to see what he will do before we jump and down. Some are racists, some are Republicans, some are simply pessimists that don't care to be a part of history but just want a better life and they look to America's leader to make that road a little easier.
I however, am somewhere in the middle. I watched the screen as millions gathered, networks broadcasted, tears flooded eyes and bodies shivered to support a new day for the United States. I saw footage of performances, I watched television specials interviewing athletes and entertainers and I myself witnessed an overall attitude change in those around me and it truly is beautiful.
As I joked with one of my boys about the celebration resembling the movie The Wiz's "Brand New Day" performance when the wicked witch passed away, I thought deeply about that comparison and likened our nation to that trip to Oz. What I mean is that while we complain about education in schools, or about the kids simply not learning or what they have access to on the net and on TV; the truth is we're really similar to that Scarecrow that had brains all along. And if we can travel to DC just because we want to can't we get up and just go help in any part of the country we want to? Couldn't we have gone to New Orleans the same way? Wasn't it possible to march for every brutal police incident or standup for every social injustice? See the Tinman didn't really need anyone to tell him he had a heart in his chest. You get where I'm going with this...America, sort of like Dorothy is waiting for something. We scream "yes we can," we wait for "change" to come but the reality is we are the changers, we have the intelligence, compassion and courage and all we have to do is click our heels and do shit. As I'm writing this now I'm moved to do more. I'm not sure what more is which is probably why Obama is our Wizard in real life.
Or maybe I should just shut up and join the party. Maybe I should just look at the face of the Black grandmothers and great-grandfathers that lived through the Civil rights era and realize that we've come so far as a people that we should just sit back and breathe and enjoy it for a second before we get all analytical and go striving to move the whole earth. Maybe 150 million is somewhere within 40 acres and it's ok to enjoy a victory. Or maybe the next time you think of Barack and what he'll do for the nation you'll think of what you're going to do for the nation too. Or maybe that's just me.
[10]REACT
1/19/2009: IS IT ME? PART 6
Have you ever just wanted to shoot someone? Not to kill them but just…never mind that but I just realized the difference between having fights in elementary school where the worst possible outcomes were losing and getting in trouble compared to being an adult where hitting someone can result in jail or death. Consequences suck. Sometimes you feel like really just poppin’ a cap in people. Whether it’s a bouncer at the club or an industry person that thinks they know it all. I'm sure you feel that way about a supervisor or co-worker, manager or A&R, you may even feel like hating on some undeserving rapper but shooting him may just boost his career.
I have to see Notorious by the way. I went to the premiere in Atlanta but I left before the whole drama (no pun intended) went down. Speaking of drama I spoke to DJ Drama before all that crap happened and as I glanced at his big pendant I started thinking about adding that to the list of stuff that needs to halt, pause or maybe take a rest in this entry. I was going to do a top ten but now I'm thinking these are things that people SHOULD keep doing to help me stand out in the world.
-The big pieces on chains that are worth less than they look are wonderful for our people and great for hip-hop. Look at the trends Yung Berg has started and all the joy he's brought the youth that passed around his transformer pendant.
-Also on my list was the word "swagger" that has been gradually becoming more and more frequent in today's world. We all used it to describe someone's amount of cool juice in the past. Then in hip-hop it became the word to denote the thing about an artist that had nothing to do with their songs, rhyming ability or status. It was simply said, "Rapper can't really rhyme but he has a crazy swagger." Which meant that he walked confidently, dressed trendy or had a Fonzerelli thing going on that would be tough to put in to words and still sound hetero. So "swagger" just kept growing to reach interviews, songs and Sportscenter. "Swagger like us" was almost the last straw until Old Spice's "Swagger" line of body spray topped that. Sometimes we push words to their limit and the poor word was never meant to hurt anyone. Keep it going guys.
-And while you're at it continue to rock Mohawks. If you recently decided to cut your hair into a Mohawk style and by recent I mean within the last 2 years you would be at the tail end of a strange trend that has become infectious. I mean it came back in a while ago and when Diddy rocked it for the marathon it was on its way out then. So we may see the kids rocking the hawk and think it's cute and teenagers looking cool but if you're an adult trying to standout then the word "trying" is what you should cut on one of the bald sides of your head. But my message to you is, keep it! Thank you for helping me.
-If you're a grown person with a T-mobile Sidekick and you like your inbox having a limit just so you can flip your screen around and be on AIM all day then screw what everyone says about you. Sidekicks rule!
-Oh I have to give a big shout out to all those dudes using the Internet as the forum for beefing with other rappers. Video blogs, interviews, threats on camera even showing weapons is the smartest and best marketing tool ever. I mean it's so much larger than the DVD era. Someone can just type in your name and see you saying the most gangsta things and when they actually see your face they believe it, I know I believe it. Cyber beef is the bestest. If I don't get me some this year I'm finished.
-Lastly, to all the police that are still beating people up because they’re a little darker than you and they seem more dangerous than the average citizen well if you don’t mind riots here and there then keep it up. It’s not like you’re going to go to jail or get in trouble for it and if you’re worried about those brown folks coming together and making a change don’t stress it. That badge is all you need. We know the police are here to serve and protect but sometimes we get out of line and talk back and we forget that maybe you weren’t cool in high school or you can’t please your girl so you need to let out that anger. I apologize for all Black males Mr. Policeman, but be careful because the riots in Cali could catch on and this new president dude seems to be making an impact.
Seriously though, I'm all excited about Obamamania but I really don’t want to see the Inauguration turn into the inniggeration. I’m not even going to speak it into existence but rappers throwing parties, people traveling from out of town and going nowhere near the ceremony reminds me of Greekfest or what the NBA All-star game has become when I hear dudes talking about they’re going to DC because it’s going to be “mad bitches.” I know there are some humans that have a thirst to experience something unprecedented live and be a part of history but unfortunately there are some that use things like this as an excuse to get into some idioticy. I almost thought idioticy was a real word until the red squiggly line showed up. I’m not the only one that makes up words.
[13]REACT
1/7/2009: IS IT ME? PART 5
I want to thank everyone that's been reading these things and showing me love for expressing myself outside of rapping and just plugging what I'm doing all the time.
With that said, it's a new year and if you're even halfway semi-popular or in the music industry you've been getting a thousand emails and text messages that read "Happy Holidays and Happy New Year" and all that. I'm just gonna say it. Generic holiday mass email wishes may SEEM sincere but am I supposed to respond to every one of them? Someone accused me of being cold and standoffish because of my reply that read, "Thanks, same to U!" I could’ve sworn I nailed it. Maybe I'm the only jerk that didn't get unlimited text messages on my cell phone or maybe typing on that thing is more bothersome than my blackberry...either way I guess it's just me that doesn't send holiday greetings to my whole email list with hopes that everyone will return the favor with a minimum two sentence response.
Truthfully I'm not even mad at those, they're nowhere near as funny as the emails, calls and just over all convos that will surround the topic of this year being THEE year. "No more playing games! '09 is mine! This year I'm taking over!" I know...I know. I got it. This year is different. I understand. We all should have a positive outlook on the future but does anyone remember last year's new year's resolution? I said I was going to drop 12 CDs. What a bright idea I had, only to have some of them go under the radar and spark a marketing tool for rapper "so and so" to use this year. Great! But for real, around February are you still talking about what you pledged on December 31st of the previous year? The exercise regimen…the diet plan…the church visits…the fidelity pledge. Just claim to have good intentions and save yourself the added new year pressure.
Is it me alone that gets annoyed by the term "Happy New Years" when it's only ONE New Year? There's New Year's Eve and then there's the New Year, but happy new years would mean that there's a whole bunch of new ones. I'm a dick.
And can someone tell me the date the actual New Year greetings end? If the 1st time we speak or see each other for the year is around Martin Luther King's birthday, do we ignore that holiday and say "Happy new year my dude!" or do we say both? Or can I just skip it since the year is a few weeks old now? I think the 18th should end the New Year slogan for everyone. By that time if you haven't sent a holiday shout out, I believe it's expired. People have actually said to me "Yo you didn't even wish me a happy new year." So in October when your year isn't going so good the reason will be my neglect to throw that wish at you I’m sure.
I used to be a phone person but I've realized I'm not anymore. So the fact that I'm complaining about text messages when I would much rather read a salutation than hear one on the phone is beyond me. If you ever want to make yourself laugh a little bit, when you're on the phone with someone you'd rather not speak to just hang up on them in the middle of the convo as if you lost your signal. It's important that you're the one in the midst of the sentence when you hit the button so it doesn't seem purposeful. It can be hilarious if you pull it off correctly. Then again that's kind of mean but if you do it try to mention being on a landline at some point before the disconnect so they really get confused about your signal loss.
Then just send em a text message later that says "Sorry, I lost my signal, I'll call back later." And maybe throw in a "Happy new years!" with the ‘s’ on it. That will really piss them off.
-The Present
[215]REACT
12/27/2008: IS IT ME? PART 4
Does anyone else miss Christmas? I don’t mean like the holiday, I mean that 8 year old feeling when you can’t sleep the night before. When the number of presents mattered and you were counting down days up until the 25th and all that. I heard you get the feeling back when you have kids of your own, I’ll holla when that goes down and let y’all know if that’s true. I tried to revisit some of those old feelings this past weekend and played Nintendo. No, not Nintendo Wii or some super new, hot system, I’m talking about Nintendo, blow in the cartridge, bang the joint for it to work, Super Mario Brothers bitches! I got to like 8-1 or something but I stopped before I saved the princess. I didn’t feel like a kid again but I did remember what it was like to not have a care in the world other than Goombas, King Koopa and falling off a cliff for a little while.
Speaking of video games, did anyone else see Solja Boy come at hip-hop’s Sonic the hedgehog, Charles Hamilton? I’m cool with Charles but I can admit to laughing when Solja Boy suggested he should switch characters, become Mario and maybe eat a “got damn power flower.” That was kinda funny. But for real though I understand why Charles would be bothered when people ask him about his labelmate who he claims is a marketing genius but might be killing hip-hop. Then I can empathize with Solja Boy who says that when he makes music it’s for the clubs and I can remember seeing adults do his complex dance and being in awe that they mastered it. What I don’t get though is what the artists with “lil, young, kid and boy” in their name are going to do when they become big, old, adults and grownup. I know that has nothing to do with anything and Jimmy Iovine is probably laughing in a marketing meeting about it all.
Some industry guy told me the other day I should stop making music about my hardships, real life or the reason I’m not further in my career and just focus on my arrogant, shit-talking music. I thought I did it all but I guess I’m wrong. So the lesson is to the kids: real is only cool when your reality makes people want to be you. This kid that’s in junior high school told me he wants to grow up and have his own reality show. I asked him if he had a tough life, he said nah he just wants to have women compete over him like a Flavor of Love show. I said “Oh.” He was dead ass serious too, he ran down the format and all that. I don’t have anything else to say about it, I just thought it was interestingly the most frightening thing I’d heard in a while. Yea I watch Real Chance of Love, it fulfills my ignorance quota but is it not amazing how you used to have to be talented to be famous, now people are just famous for being…famous?
Is it me or is anyone else boggled by the internet’s ability to connect people that have never met or even spoken on the phone? I just realized how many people I’m technically cool with that I don’t know at all. Someone asked me about a DJ a few days ago and I said “Oh that’s my duuuude.” Then they asked me if he was Black or White. I had no clue but I said his emails sound White and he never called me “nigga.” That made no sense but the truth is I still don’t know and I’m too scared to ask. Even crazier than that was that I noticed I had a long standing back and forth email, business relationship with someone whose gender I didn’t even know. After 6 months of communicating with a person you think is a female, (luckily I didn’t flirt) and then you hear they might not be; how do you ask someone if they’re a guy or a girl? You don’t. Ahh the wonders of the internet. I guess you have to Google or myspace people once in awhile and check out their pics to further the connection so we can really be friends…or not.
[59]REACT
12/10/2008: IS IT ME? PART 3
Now I know that NFL players aren't guaranteed the same salaries as NBA players, but they are still pretty well off once they get that contract solidified. Plaxico Burress is one of those receivers who got his contract 3 months ago. I don't remember the particulars but I know he's making more than 5 million a year for playing a sport he supposedly loves and is good at. He won a Superbowl last year, he caught the winning catch, he's a threat on the field, and I think the guy is cool. Missing practice to take your son to school? Not really buying that but ok. Yelling at the coach during the game? Shows intensity but sort of ignorant, we'll let you slide Plax. Carrying a gun because fellow league wide receiver Steve Smith got robbed days before you hit the club? Ehh I'm not going to call that a brighter move than maybe having some sort of security person but when you decide to bring it in the club and shoot yourself with it well I know I'm not alone in thinking you're just a damn fool.
Where are the friends or teammates to say to these people? "Hey man, umm we kinda make enough money to hire a nanny and maybe even a bodyguard just for when we go out.” Politicians roll with security sometimes, so do rappers, shit even porno stars do it. It’s ok. Is street credibility that important that football players have to be ignorant too? Are Plaxico and Pacman Jones working on rap albums? You just want to test the Mike Vick theory huh? Will they really throw me in jail or will the league have my back? Well the Commissioner of the NFL called the mayor like "If you want the Negro just let us know, Superbowl ring or not."
And if you're rich and you have a gun, yes Plaxico having a million dollars in your bank account makes you rich in some cases; well then register the damn weapon. What are you slinging rocks during the off-season? You got beef with the Bloods? What the fuck? At least Stephon Marbury isn’t shooting himself and he’s from Brooklyn. Steph got robbed Mr. Burress and he still makes 21 million a year. Now of course his interviews and commentary are the funniest things on earth so maybe he deserves that for all those missed classes back at Lincoln High School and Georgia Tech but that's not the point.
I used to think athletes were overpaid. Mostly because we use the word "play" and we don't realize how much work goes into preparation for the game and how much wear and tear affects their bodies from the sport and the travel. And with the amount of money generated by the league and the owners from merchandising to advertising to fan attendance the bread that the athletes make really seems like pennies. So while we're sitting home complaining that "So and so" is a big baby and he should just shut up and play, usually that guy just figured out he's being pimped and could care less about the fans and he realizes sports like so many other things, is a business. He might have just had to move his whole family from city to city, sleep in hotels every other night, jump on planes every few days, become a public figure, sleep with different women just to stay sane and maybe even get robbed a few times all while playing the sport he loves. Is it me or is that not better than your job? Or are we ever really satisfied?
I KNOW I'm not alone on this one because I've gotten questioned about it in a few interviews. Well let me back up and say I listened to Kanye's new album this weekend and there are songs that I love on there. The lyrics, the passion and just the overall idea of him singing and going thru something and being able to vent thru music is miraculous. How-the hell-ever, why Autotunes, the vocoder or whatever it’s called must costar on the entire CD is beyond me. Duke sounded good on “Spaceship,” he sung on “Addiction” and no one was mad. Now he has to T-Pain everything and Wayne hasn't used his real voice since the Carter 3 dropped. They asked me in an interview if rappers are just copycats. We've always been copycats, someone puts a cool gold bottle in a video, we gon get it, someone uses R&B guy for a chorus, go find R&B guy. That effect on his voice got him on radio all day, well shit where can I get that effect? When does it stop though? It stops the same way Throwbacks did, when someone with enough clout steps up and changes things. Or maybe radio DJs might just figure Ron Browz is the last straw. I know we all 2-stepped to “Pop Champagne” but I think it should be last call at the bar for Autotunes. I thought it was funny when 50 did it, interesting when Kanye did it on Jeezy's song and when Wayne used the vocoder on every verse in the last few months I got worried that this may be the new standard. Or this could be something we'll all sit back and laugh at in a few years. I'm a Kanye fan, so I hope he gets through it all and like I said I enjoy some of the songs on the album a whole lot. I did see him on Conan O'Brien and I know its tough to sing live with an effect or not. I also knows he's a fashion guru that may be responsible for setting off this Arab scarf thing but I'm just glad the open shirt, hairy chest thing didn't catch. Could be just me though.
[6]REACT
12/1/2008: IS IT ME? PART 2
Is it me or in the 90's when we sagged our jeans it was partly because it was in style and mostly because they were too big for us? I don't know if it was the coolest thing in the world and I'm sure adults shook their heads as a bunch of us youngsters walked by with our pants extremely lower than our waists exposing our boxers while we periodically reached to pull them up only to have them fall to about the same spot.
But now I'm the adult walking the streets of NY and I have to see the youthful dudes in the hood wearing their jeans low as all hell and to tell you the honest truth I'm not mad at that part. Sagging jeans not only shows the world your underwear game that may or may not be up to par but if you have a cool belt then it gets light as well. Hey if you're going to spend money on clothes why not do what you can to show ‘em all. I used to roll my pant leg up to show my socks when they matched my gear. I was younger and dumber at one point. But maybe and just maybe I'm all alone when I see these same low height pantaloons hugging the legs in a manner that I can't tell whether these guys have on jeans or tights and it makes my stomach hurt.
Straight leg jeans are one thing and they carry the implication that the person sporting this garment might be just that---straight! But "skinny" jeans? Skinny as in non-fat. Like slim-cut for a lady? Is that what's cool now? How can having your pant leg closer to your genitalia be cool? It's an oxymoron. There are some fads today that I can totally understand. As I get older there are others that I'm just not going to follow but I would say to myself, "If I was in high school I could see me wearing that." A skinny jean just isn’t one of those trends.
Is it me or did this start with the Dipset? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I swear I heard Jim Jones or Juelz Santana talking about rocking pants like this with chains on the belt loops and skulls and crossbones on everything. I could be wrong but it seems folks took it to the extreme. Or maybe it was the "hipsters" with their loud colors and “skateboardy” outfits that have found their place in the hip-hop world. This is not about hate, because everything has its place and I think the stuff that people are doing that looks like everybody else leaves room for me to be who I am and win. I'm just trying to find out if I'm alone when I see some of this stuff that goes against the laws of nature. If you're a straight man, why would you want to wear pants that make you look like a straight woman? Are men leaning towards showing their curves? Is that where fashion is going? Bring back throwbacks, I'll rock Fubu or Guess jumpers or something before I have to wiggle into jeans 2 sizes too small for me. Maybe it’s me.
Did anyone see Obama on 60 minutes? I missed it but I got a lot of calls and text messages about it. Matter of fact I got a thousand emails in the last few months surrounding Obama alone and from people that I never even knew had a clue what month the election goes down until this year. Am I alone in noticing Obama pictures in Black people's homes like the old Christ flicks more and more? Some people are putting so much weight on this man's shoulders it’s like he's the second coming. Is it me or has anyone else heard a few comments that sounded like Barack has been sent from heaven to save us? I can understand the generation before mine that lived thru the MLK era feeling like its happening all over again and there's a resurgence for our people to really overcome but I swear I heard Obama in a few prayers lately in place of God's son and it is a little bit hilarious to me.
What's even funnier was how Black people were just so sure all the White people were upset on the streets the day after Election Day. People were sure they had extra work from their boss or got parking tickets or got an evil stare because of the country's decision. "They wouldn't have docked my pay if McCain won" said the employee as he went to work late again.
I watched Bill Maher interview Diddy and he made a comment about hip-hop being stuck on bravado and flossing for years and he suggested it may be time for a change. I instantly thought of the youtube clip I saw with Marcus Jordan, (Mike's son) coming at Bow Wow about his Jordan sneaker collection. Now is it me or is Marcus's last name not Jordan? I mean aren't the sneakers he's bragging about and claiming to have limited editions of designed by, patterned and named after his FATHER. That's like Justin Combs getting free meals at his pops restaurant or having all the new Sean John and making a big deal about it. That would be like Jojo Simmons talking shit about having all the new Phat Farm, or Paris Hilton boasting about getting free rooms at daddy's hotels.
I could understand if he had his own line but even that wouldn't make much sense. See Marcus, Bow Wow isn't related to Michael Jordan so it may take connections and $ to get exclusive kicks. I'm not a sneaker head but I know how serious the fetish is. What I don't get is our culture's thirst to show how much better we have it than the next man to a point where we'll embarrass ourselves. Maybe that's what Bill Maher was talking about with rap music. Maybe that's what I do when I rap. Oh well. I guess it IS me.
[236]REACT
11/26/2008: IS IT ME? PART 1
What up world? For those of you that don't know me, I go by the name of Sha Stimuli. I'm a hip-hop artist that chooses to dwell outside of the box when it comes to my craft so allow me to vent in the next few months. I'm not going to bore you with my on goings and accolades like most artists; I'm going to use this forum to simply point out observations. Some will be humorous, some will be sad, others you may not care about but if you remember "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey on SNL or Arsenio Hall's "Things to make you say hmmm" then you might see where I'm going.
A few years ago I did a record called "Is It Me?" It was a clever joint that let me speak about what I saw going on in the industry and in the world at the time. For instance, hip-hop was being dominated by the South and I kept hearing that it was better to not be good at rap. Now is it me or does that kind of go against everything that is right in the world? I also noticed that 50 Cent criticized Ja Rule's style of sing-song rap heavily to put a dent in his career, and then 50 turned around and used the same crooning tactic on 80% of his own music. That was pretty foul.
I even eluded to the fact that when I was growing up, "head" or felatio or whatever you want to call it, just didn't seem like the norm. Maybe it was because I was young but I was in high school just like these kids are today. And I know “brain” was being performed back then but it was very taboo. Even at my next level of education, head wasn't something that was expected every time out and if it went down, ladies weren't exactly proud and boastful. Now I wasn't sure if it was just me, but it seemed like Lil Kim's claim that she used to be scared of the dick, then she began to throw lips to the shit, started some type of felatio revolution. It wasn't instant but it was a gradual thing that today has boomed into radio records about it, more women confessing to loving the act and as I speak to the young and older males, it is just as expected as a part of sex. In the words of the great Chris Rock as it applies to those women who do not perform "They still make you?"
I was confused as well how the term "wife beater" lasted so long through so many generations and social settings. It was amazing to me how many different people referred to a tank top as a “beater” during the description of a shirt. In interviews with R&B singers talking about a man in a wife beater and timbs, on the news, "he had a wife beater on when he shot him." How do things like this happen? Is domestic violence that accepted? Maybe pimps are just welcomed in our society that much that they influence fashion. Speaking of fashion, some of you may remember the Japanese designed Bathing Ape sneaker craze coupled with the hip-hop world's infatuation with Red Monkey jeans. I was sure I wasn't alone in noticing the naming of these lines after primates and then selling them to the African-American community for ridiculous prices. I even bought some. They're probably still laughing at us.
One of the last things I touched on and this may be touchy was the gay community trying to compare their struggles to that of the Civil Rights movement for Black people. Now I have nothing against gay folks. I do make a joke here and there because I may not understand it but I'm entitled to poke fun, no pun intended. But all I was saying was that I believed the battles fought for equality were similar in some ways since there's discrimination but if you think about it, that's about it. I don't know if I'm wrong and again it could just be me but homosexuality is a choice, it’s not like I can act un-Black for a few hours just so I can use the white bathroom. If we were to practice sexuality segregation, gay people could definitely blend in and drink from the "straight" water fountain or sit on the “straight” side of the bus. If it was 1967 and my brown ass got on the bus, I was headed to the back and you wouldn't have to ask my nationality to make sure. What I mean is you can see “Black,” we can’t turn that on and off. I do believe God created everyone equal but knock it off, "gay" is not the new "Black."
Enough reminiscing, hopefully y'all get it. I will fast forward into the present next time and touch on the things today that may be perplexing me a tad bit that I seem to be alone on observing like...skinny jeans. What the hell is a skinny jean?
11/19 - 
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What up world? For those of you that don't know me, I go by the name of Sha Stimuli. I'm a hip-hop artist that chooses to dwell outside of the box when it comes to my craft so allow me to vent in the next few months. I'm not going to bore you with my on goings and accolades like most artists; I'm going to use this forum to simply point out observations. Some will be humorous, some will be sad, others you may not care about but if you remember "Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey on SNL or Arsenio Hall's "Things to make you say hmmm" then you might see where I'm going. 
