9/22/2009: #3  Right. So I'm supposed to turn in this journal..like a week ago. It's not that amazing and humorous things don't happen to me. It's just stuff that I can't really share with everyone..... for fear of incriminating myself.. others... small children.. animals... inanimate objects.. Taylor Swift.....Lil Mama... I usually have to think really hard to tell a story from the past, or tell the LEAST hilarious anecdote I've got in my stash. It's not easy folks. It's not easy. I generally like to fill my spare time with fuckery. Don't get that twisted, I didn't say "fucKING"... although.. when is THAT ever bad? I'm saying too much.. The best part about it, is that these situations always seem to find ME, even when I'm just trying to go on about my normal everyday life.. I seem to be a magnet, or perhaps even the catalyst (that's really egotistical though) for antics. I'm not complaining, though it usually takes about 3 hours longer than the normal persons day to get shit done, accounting for the fuckery. I wouldn't trade my life in for anything. Some days are brilliant, some days are scandalous, some days are gut wrenching and tear jerking.... but never.. EVER .. a dull moment. That's what I pretty much urge everyone around me to enjoy about life. I'm not saying don't get your work done. I'm not saying to abandon everything practical and just flail about in life. What IS important is the magic and the joy you can get from just being unconventional. It's simple, sometimes regrettable... but only for a moment. I don't want to be the person who looks back and thinks about the things " I could have done" or "missed out on doing" or even "was afraid to try". That's not me, it's never been me and I hope I never have a change of heart. Life is fucking brilliant. It's full of.. well, lol... LIFE. Every moment is an opportunity to laugh. I take every single one of them. Plus a few that I probably shouldn't...heh. I don't mind being the "crazy" one.. I get that a lot. Cool, you can call me crazy, but some part of you is envious about the freedom that I get to enjoy. Everyone can have it.. I promise. So today.. how about you do one silly thing. It doesn't have to be a grand show, just something small, that frees you from monotony. Something out of your normal character.. Oh! Also.. LAUGH your face off at ANYTHING.. until your sides hurt. It's just one day.... but tomorrow it will be one day less that you had to live. Peace and hilarity.. Jean

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8/25/2009: #2  Found a bar on craigslist. A giant wet bar. That sounds dirty..   A bar from the 70's, L shaped, copper top... gorgeous. Just right for the new apartment. Called.. thought for sure it wouldn't be available.. IT WAS YAY!   Can I come pick it up the next day? Fuck yeah I can.. Yessssssss!!!  Call my favorite moving guy..... Due to unfortunate stupid circumstances, had him waiting for an hour and a half.. but he's cool.. he waited.. (paying for wait time of course)  Get there.. see it.. Hug the guy selling it.. It's AMAZING.. PERFECT! All that shit..   Load it in the van.. It's damn heavy..   Rode in the back of the van all the way. Sitting on the floor. I didn't care, i was just excited about having the damn bar. I would've rode on the roof, held on by ropes to get that thing home.   Get home...   Now...   A good Idea.. would have been to measure the door.. elevator.. and the bar.. you know.. to make sure.. right. Just though, "EH.. it'll happen cause I say it'll happen"  We try one way.. NO GO.. bring it back out.. it's just smashing into the wall now and not getting through the door. Take it back outside.. Did I mention this this is FUCKING HEAVY? Also, it's 90 million degrees out. So.. a great situation for everyone involved.   Now in all of this moving, thee is a tiny  Jamaican man, with a very large head scarf. Scarf is about the size of his torso. He seems concerned about us getting the bar in the door. He stops. Offers advice.   "Na whie you gwan turna ting that way now? Ya turna ting thees way now fa the dahr is hin de way, then ya juss poosh it. Poosh."   We stop for a second and look.. and translate.. and kinda think. Wait.. he could be right about this.   We try it his way. The bar goes in the door!   This is when you resist saying, "Thank you Jamaican moving fairy!!' YAAAY!" and waving. Cause he DID disappear. Only way it would have been cooler was if he just imploded, like *thhhhhhhpop* and all that was left was his scarf, dropping to the floor.   SO here we are in the lobby.. UH..   Uh oh.. how are we...this is NOT going to fit in the elevator. And there's no effin way that we are going to carry this thing 4 flights up.   Uh.. ok.  Well, fortunately, I have experience in knowing that sawing a bar in half is OK! The last one didn't have the plumbing and sink... but we can just get that out.. saw off the corner... and then move it in two pieces.. Put in back together upstairs, glue.. paint. SPLADOW! Good as new.. BETTER even!   Anyone have a saw?   No one has a saw.   Well, I know some friends who do stuff like that!   Said friends are too late.   We left that bar in the lobby. for 1 1/2 days. Spent the day doing home shopping, Home Depot and such..   Came in the door.. The bar was gone. Just gone. Vanished. Like the Moving Fairy.   The sadness of this realization and anger start to kick in.. ... 'But.. But.. YOU CAN'T JUST TAKE IT!..or or.. THROW IT OUT!! OR THINK THAT WE WERE THROWING IT OUT!"  Who in the hell would be throwing a bar out of their apartment in a brand new building? Everyone just got here! It's not like in one of the apartments, there was a bar in the middle of the floor and someone was like oh no.. we gotta get that outta here. and furthermore.. there was CLEARLY, NO WAY that it could have COME FROM upstairs. Impossible. Unless the bar was made out of Kiddy Pride parts... which I don't think it was.   SO.. at this point, the story is.. The Super dismantled it (Which is impossible..unless he had the hammer of Thor or a SAW...which he does NOT) and threw it away.   I think not. I think someone is enjoying our bar right now. I hate them.  The worst part is.   The countertop is just here. On the floor. Like a chalk outline of a dead bar.   What the fuck am I gonna do with a Giant Copper "J"???   Bar.. come home.. you are missed.     jg

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8/7/2009: #1  It's hot as fuckery fuck in here. My apartment. It used to be chilly. Like 2 days ago. That was before I had to shut off my beautiful, precious, central air system. This is a totally new building, which I LOVE the idea of having no former inhabitants. However.... Along with that, come delicious perks as they get the building up and running. This is the only bad one. It is REALLY warm. No.. it is ON FIRE. I also live directly next to an elevated train line. I have to say that when they built this gorgeousness, they did a very good job of making it NOT seem like the train is right out your window. You can hardly hear it. Unless you have to open the windows. But since there is central air, you don't really have to. Unless you're me and have the only unit in the building with a faulty cooling system. Everyone else is all chilly in their apartment. I was wearing a sweatshirt in the apartment last week. But now....Not me.. no no.. no way. Also, whenever the train goes by I have to adjust my volume level in all my actions. It's awesome. They fixed it, but I have to give it time to dry.. til' 'morrows morning. That's not gonna happen. That thing is going on at 11pm. On the mickey fickey DOT. I was trying to be cool about their leaky ceiling downstairs, but this isn't my fault. I didn't make it rain on them. The guy who didn't set the pipes (that sounds crazy) up right, is at fault. I cup the phone, yelling. I turn the tv up (yay Cablevision for giving me the 8-6 window, having me wake up at 7:30am and wait for you until 5:30pm) I scrunch my face up closer to the speakers to hear something. Whatever though.. I'll deal with it. I have a wonderful place to live, some people don't have that. it's a blessing and I will treat it as such... But... godDAMN. IT IS MOTHERFUCKING HOT. The kind of hot where you take a shower and get all fresh, do your hair, little summer makeup.... by the time you're done.. it's all fucked. Wicked. My flat iron is useless. I can just relegate my coif to living in a perpetual Cosby Show Denise's friends state of frizz. I look like an extra from "A Different World" 80% of the day. Not on purpose. I went to one of those fabulous "flammable clothes stores" and bought outfits to match my hair. Fuck it. 80's.. you win. I've also killed 2 lightning bugs and a very large silverfish. That silverfish was running at me hella fucking fast. I killed him with my Watchmen book. I had to go wipe it off. I don't know how the bugs are getting in here since there's screen in al the windows. They have some sort of tiny laser cutter I think....and sealant glue. Cause I can't see any possible fucking way they're getting in. I'm really, terribly happy to be in this new building and love it to pieces. So much so that I will go out to dinner rather than sit here and be sad about not recording so as not to sully the mood. Cause really, everything is fabulous as long as you treat it as such..... Shit will all be alright. Thanks for reading.. I had SO many more stories just from being out and about today, but I'll try and work them in as soon as I can.. Peace y'all.... Jeannie

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