I have a problem. I have something that I don’t understand and I’m hoping someone out there has an answer for me. Why is it that sometimes when you go into public toilets, there can be a humongous, unflushed piece of crap sitting in the toilet with not a hint of toilet paper anywhere in the vicinity of the bowl except on the apparently unused dispenser? I saw it this past weekend and it really made me wonder. How does this happen? 

I mean, does the person sit down to handle their business, feel like they may have a winner, look down and say, ‘Damn, I need to keep that one there. The whole world needs to see that!’? Keep in mind, when I witnessed it this weekend, there was toilet paper on the roll and I’m assuming it was there when the PDP’er (public display of poop) was there. 

I’m assuming (I have to say ‘assume’ because I’ve never done this before, don’t plan on doing it anytime soon and hope that I don’t know anyone that does this) the person who did this did one of two things. 1) He went to the next stall to wipe and was out or 2) He pulled up his britches and duckwalked the rest of the day. 

50 Cent’s apparently going to be cutting back on his crew’s travel budget, as he tells XXL that he paid $8.5 million in expenses in traveling for his G-Unit fam. That’s probably a good idea, because all the hot air balloon rides and 5-star hotels really didn’t help anyone in G-Unit sell any records, which is what I thought they were all there to do. 

You also have to wonder how this is going to affect Tony Yayo. One thing’s for sure, if he needs a 5, he better not ask T.I. 

The whole issue about the Chicago church plastering the city will anti-rap billboards still really bothers me. With all the teen pregnancies, drug use, alcoholism, HIV/AIDS, poverty and everything else that plagues people on a day-to-day basis, is rap music the best fight they could pick? I have a theory on that. And keep in mind, maybe I saw too one too many fundraisers on channel 3 growing up. I don’t know. 

Really, was there anything creepier growing up than watching an old guy put his hand on someone’s head, said person convulses and passes out and then a number flashes on screen for you to call to donate your money. I couldn’t figure out why anyone would pay to do that. But hey, that’s what makes the world go ‘round, right? 

Anyway, the church is based in Chicago. What else is based in Chicago? Oprah! Oprah’s been taking a lot of heat for being anti-rap lately, so what better way to get on Oprah’s show than to show her just how much you hate rap as well. Hell, take it a step further and plaster the faces of the artists up on the billboard to show Oprah that you really hate this thing weirdos call music and fanatics call a culture. 

In the end, what could the church lose? Some of their patrons collection plate dollars went down the drain, but is that really a big deal to them? But what could the church gain? They could either go on Oprah and make some serious coin off a donation from her, or they could show middle class America just how vehemently they’re fighting (and they’ll probably tell you that they’re winning) this imaginary battle on rap music. Either way, the donations they could receive from anti-rap losers could definitely help the preacher get that extension on his house that he had been saving up for. 

And does anyone else find it insulting that a church would take it upon themselves to tell you not to listen to a certain kind of music, as if we’re all dumb enough to turn our stoves up to high and plaster our hands and face on it to show people why we’re hot? I have tremendous faith in most fans of hip-hop that they’re not going to go out and turn into a crack-selling, machine gun-toting cannibal. Of course, Uncle Murder’s music can have that affect on an individual. 

There’s been a lot of talk about Diddy and Kim and if they’re together or separated. Honestly, that’s not my concern or my business and I hope things work out the best for the two of them. However, what is my concern is whether or not Diddy chooses to make a song about this situation. He’s done it before about things, so you can’t say I’m going out on a limb by mentioning this. Plus we have to keep in mind that he just performed the Princess Diana tribute concert, so he could be in a musical mood, which is why I’m worried. Diddy, please, no songs about this. 

It’s a well-known fact that a lot of rappers aren’t smart, from their faulty references in their music to how they handle themselves in public (getting arrested with drugs, beating up little kids, etc.) However, there is one thing that takes the cake over pretending to be a cop and making arrests, traveling with a baton in a makeshift laptop and signing a recording contract with a major label – having sex with Superhead. Apparently there’s enough dumb motherfuckers who are as unconcerned with their reputation as they are with STDs and cleanliness. Why is this? Because the broad’s got another book coming out! Apparently this time she’s going to be giving details about what it’s like to bed Lil’ Wayne and Ne-yo. All I can say is, “So sick!” 

Honestly, if you know a girl just has sex with big-name industry people so she can put it in a new book, why would you bang her? If you’re a Lil’ Wayne or a Ne-yo, couldn’t you find a woman who doesn’t have any dreams of writing a book about how you are in bed? 

Maybe it’s harder than we think being a famous rapper or R&B singer and girls don’t really throw themselves at these guys like we see in music videos and concerts. If Superhead is the best you can do, maybe you should call time-out and sit on the sidelines for awhile until you can get the focus back in your game. Normally you can never make accusations about a female if you don’t know her and never dealt with her, but I think there’s two exceptions to that rule, Superhead and Carmen. If either one of them wants to or tries to have sex with you, take a shot of penicillin and run to the nearest cold shower you can find. You’ll be thanking yourself the next day. 

Rumor has it that Barry Bonds cohosted a party with Jay-Z. The charisma in that room must have been overwhelming. 

So the new Hip-Hop Disciples is finally done. To the five people that wanted it, I’m sorry for the wait. It was time to put it together and now that it’s out, hopefully I don’t find the MP3s sitting in your recycle bin without a hint of toilet paper in sight. 

Download Hip-Hop Disciples Part XX (Hosted by UnLearn) here: http://www.sendspace.com/file/qrtc84  

Also: http://benjaminrubenstein.blogspot.com