A special “fuck you” goes out to all the “journalists” out there who are criticizing Styles P for being “not gangsta” for throwing napkins at the truck driver. Wouldn’t it have been much more “gangsta” if Styles P had just taken out an uzi and blew that truck the fuck up? I know I would have bought ten more copies of Time is Money if he would have thrown a grenade at the truck instead of napkins. Who couldn’t respect that? Only a “real” person will get it, right?
If you’re going to criticize Styles P for not being “gangsta” in that incident, you should lose your right to vote, not that voting matters anyway. Actually a better punishment would be to take all those idiots and put them in a small village where they can’t be counted for the Soundscans, since that seems to be the deciding factor nowadays in what determines a good album versus a bad one.
Anyway, everyone should just be happy that Styles P threw napkins at the driver and not a grenade or grenades or a pitbull or dynamite or a bag of bricks. Do you really want to see SP go to jail? The dude’s got a family and I’m sure the trucker does too. They both acted ignorantly in that situation, but at least no one lost their life. I think what it is is most of these so-called “journalists” would have loved to see SP do something bad because then they could wear (and sell) “Free Styles” shirts. They could even drop “FreeStyle” tapes. They could probably also scream “fuck the police” a few times and have a cover story on violence in hip-hop. Sorry, buddies, maybe next time a rapper will get “gangsta” and mess up other people’s lives along with his own life so you can have some material. You all can at least hope for now.
It’s great that Fat Joe tapped R.Kelly for the “Make It Rain (Remix).” Fat Joe finally got somebody who could really make it rain, make it rain, make it rain on these hoes. Rumor had it that it would be called “Make It Rain (Golden Showers Remix)” but apparently some labelhead shot that idea down. And this is one video that I really don’t need to see. Apparently the video is going to have Joe and his masked friend who finally freed himself from being trapped in the closet and really has to go to the bathroom performing from the rooftop of a really tall building. All the girls are going to be walking below in bikinis back and forth as they get sprayed by Kels’ golden mist. The hoe covered in the most tinkle at the end of the day will get a straight-to-DVD movie deal with Kels and a case of Poland Spring.
Make it rain on those hoes, R.Kelly, make it rain on those hoes.
So I finally got to check out Uncle Murder’s Respect the Shooter mixtape. Uncle Murder is definitely on another level from the rest of us (hopefully the rest of us, maybe just the majority of us). In an interview on the mixtape, the Gettin’ Money Gangster talks about how he wouldn’t be here rapping and getting money today if it weren’t for all the people he killed in the past, who had to die because they were in the way of him getting money.
One of the great moments of that interview is when the interviewer asks him what he was doing to get the money and Uncle Murder doesn’t say. But then on the rest of the mixtape people are dropping like flies as Uncle Murder runs the streets like a track meet. It’s safe to say he probably wasn’t working on Wall Street.
On “Say Thank You”, human morality reaches an all-time low as Uncle Murder shoots a snitch while he’s with his daughter. Violator’s newest client’s mixtape should not be listened to at night or in the dark. You will probably wake up in a cold sweat checking under your bed. I might have to sleep with the light on tonight after listening to half of the mixtape.
More people die on “The Name You Gave Me.” The violence continues on “Startin’ Shit for No Reason.” If Uncle Murder’s life is really like he says it is on records, all you can really say is, “Damn.” If his life isn’t like he says it is, all you can really say is, “Damn.”
I know a lot of people have dissed Uncle Murder and they’ve said he’s bad for hip-hop. If you don’t like his style, then you don’t like it. That’s no crime. But you have to look him. He is what he is. He kills people, hates snitches, hates the police and raps. He lets you know where he stands and he’s not flip-flopping, which has to count for something. Although his mixtape may be extremely disturbing to listen through straight through, you have to respect that at least it’s consistently extremely disturbing.
You have to love “New Year’s” by Ras Kass featuring Bishop Lamont and Poison Pen. On the track, Pen brags to us that “off the head, I’ma freestyle a movie, you bitch.” The only thing Pen forgot to tell us all was that it was going to be a B-grade porno that would probably be as sexually appalling and offensive as Uncle Murder’s music is morally appalling and offensive.
You also have to wonder if Ras Kass is taking a shot at the Crocodile Hunter’s manager, who criticized Ras Kass about using the stingray analogy in a Game diss over the summer. Ras spits, “I stingray gay n****s then they be gone.” I wonder if the manager will bite back.
The Donald is going hard at Rosie O’Donnell right now. That dude is one beat and two martinis away from being a great MC. If The Donald ever wanted to stop firing people for a minute and make a song, I am guaranteeing him a Demo of the Month slot. What you have to love about him is if he raps about how he’s got money and how beautiful women love him, you know he’s telling the truth. Unlike most rappers out, if he has a beautiful woman in his MySpace Top 8, then he probably knows her personally. The Donald already has a great rap name. If some of these guys would add a “The” in front of their name, they would improve their name in a huge way. Would you rather hear Grafh or The Grafh? If Guru did it, then the engineering Guru wouldn’t even be on his radar.
Anyways, The Donald has the potential to be the realest rapper the game has ever known. And that offer for Demo of the Month will be good for a minute, so if he ever wants to musically express how he feels about Rosie and anything else, he can definitely count on my support.
From talking to Dee Jekyll and Poison Pen, I now know that VH1 has started their White Rapper Show and New York’s spin-off from Flavor of Love. I have no plans to watch or comment on either one of those shows, or any shows on VH1 for that matter, in the future. I caught most of Flavor of Love last season, and I could actually feel my IQ dropping tremendously with each cigarette New York lit. I no longer want to be one of “those people” that watch VH1 reality shows. I missed the season premieres of both shows last night, and I feel great right now. There will now be a moratorium on all VH1-related matters in this column.
The Giants season finally ended, and that’s not really a bad thing right now. It was a rough way to go out, but it was tough watching the Giants play this whole season. You never knew what you were going to get. It’s kind of like going into a club blindfolded. You could either end up with Rosie Perez from White Men Can’t Jump or Rosie O’Donnell fresh from a bender on steaks and drinking from a gallon jug of gravy. You just never knew who was going to show up, and even though they had to lose to the Eagles in the playoffs, at least they played them tough.
I was at the game this week. Although I don’t like Eagle fan, I do respect his passion for his team. What I can’t respect is one Eagles fan who had to be about 60 years-old wearing green Mardi Gras-type beads and a David Akers jersey. The dude was stopped by an usher, and before even hearing what the usher wanted, the beaded dude screams at him, “Don’t stop me. I’m with my son!” Amazingly, the usher stopped caring if he had a ticket or anything. If you are ever in Philadelphia for whatever reason, just tell anyone who stops you that you’re with your son and you’ll be good. If you get pulled over for speeding, just tell the officer in your meanest voice that your with your son and he’ll let you go, only if you’re wearing your beads. Selling drugs on a corner? No problem. Just say you’re with your son. Make sure you’re wearing the beads though. The beads are a must for all the real Philadelphians, apparently. Word on the street is that if you aren’t beaded-up, you’ll get bead up.
And after watching the Giants play, I came to the realization that Carlos Emmons, who played great as the Eagles’ twelfth man, is more hip-hop than he or any of us will ever know. He’s like the epitome of all these new rappers out today; he’s got the uniform, but he’s out there a step behind everyone and looks surprised every time it’s time for him to make a play.
Sean Price’s album Jesus Price Superstar is banging. But, I really don’t want to write about it until after it’s in stores. Albums like this have to start doing better at retail for good independent hip-hop to have a future and I’m not going to have Sean P snatch my notebook away because I encouraged people to download the album.
I highly encourage everyone to go read the Royce da 5’9” interview if you haven’t done so already.
That’s about it for now. If you want more, you’ll have to pay for it. That’s what she said.
05/13 - 
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