Sorry about not getting that column in last week. I was out in Cali for a week
on vacation and you have no idea how hard it is to type on a Sidekick 2 (yeah,
I'm not upgrading since I finally upgraded to the Sidekick 2 a couple months
ago) WITH stunna shades on. And this may come as a surprise to you as well,
but ghostriding the whip is not covered under Hertz's insurance plan. I guess
I should just send my bill to The Ballatician.
A lot of things
have happened in the past two weeks. Apparently Mel Gibson blames the Jewish
population for creating all the wars in the world. We'll see what Maino and
the Bang Bang Anywhere Gang has to say about that.
One of the more
disturbing things I've seen recently was at Sam's Club. I was heading out with
my cases of water when I stopped to get one of those pretzels that are the size
of a baseball mitt. There was this fat lady who kept cutting in line holding
one of those half-gallon soda cups. It was empty, and that was the problem.
She repeatedly asked the cashier for ice, and the cashier responded five times
with "The machine makes it's own ice. You just have to wait a minute."
After the third time, the lady comes back and tries a new approach. "Excuse
me, can you please just get me a couple ice cubes from the back?" like
they keep a stash in the back for emergencies. "Maam, I told you we don't
have ice cubes in the back." I thought that was the end of that and this
lady would chill out for five minutes while the ice machine restocked. But no,
this mammoth of a woman starts digging around in the bottom of the tray where
all the extra ice cubes and overflow soda go and starts picking out ice cubes
and putting them in her drink. She would take them out and look at them, as
if making sure there were no hair or anything like that on there, and then put
them in her cup. Then she picks enough and gets her Coke. No joke, two minutes
later a kid walked up to the machine and got his ice right away. I never thought
Sam's Club could be that entertaining.
I've been wondering
a lot about Pimp My Ride. How long do the pimpee's get to drive their car before
it gets stolen? I can't see a lime green and orange car with, as Ras Kass said,
"a bowling alley in the back" lasting long anywhere. Hopefully MTV
has a new series in the making, Find My Pimped Out Ride and Beat Whoever Stole
It starring someone like Mitchey Slick.
Is Ashlee Simpson
the new Lil' Kim?
I'm also working
on a new movie. It's still in its early stages, but one thing I can count on
is Samuel L. Jackson starring in it. Remember the guy who once said he didn't
feel comfortable acting alongside 50 Cent because he had no experience and wasn't
an actor? Now the same guy is in a movie called Snakes on a Plane and in a movie
with TI. If he'll do Snakes on a Plane I know he'll star in my movie. And doesn't
Snakes on a Plane sound like one of those madlib creations where the producers
said, "We don't know what kind of movie we want to make, but this is what
we have so far (Animal) on a (Form of Transportation)." Fish on a Boat?
Nah. Bears on a Car? No. Snakes on a Car? Closer. Snakes on a Plane? Genius!
What has Rick Ross
done in his life besides dealing with cocaine? Is anyone else just a little
baffled as to how he's blowing up like he is? I heard something like 200,000
his first week while Boot Camp reportedly clocked in around 3,500. I hope I
just heard wrong.
I have this theory
about a lot of music getting play on the radio right now. Most of the music
is incredibly crappy but people still listen to it, dance to it and buy it.
My new theory should help explain things. You know how when you blow a dog whistle
and only the dog can hear it? Something like this dog whistle is in every song
that only certain people can hear. Because they hear it, the song sounds incredibly
dope. To the rest of us, we have no clue as to what the other people are hearing
as they get down to Da Musicianz or anything like that. I don't know how you
can get the chip to hear what everyone else is hearing, but it may be worth
looking in to.
This is something
I have to address. It doesn't affect a lot of people, but it is important to
me. When I'm reading an artist's bio, I still don't understand how there can
be so many typo's. How articulate can we expect your music to be if you still
don't know the difference between "too" and "two"? This
isn't supposed to sound arrogant and I hope it doesn't, because that's a serious
question. If you don't have a space between the end of a sentence and the beginning
of the next sentence, how can anyone take you seriously? If everything you do
is separated by commas and "..." then what are we supposed to think
before we even listen to the music? And I know the response I'm probably going
to get over this, something like, "Fuck punctuation!" Well, punctuation
is not really a hard thing to learn. If you've read a couple books and paid
attention, then getting the basic points down shouldn't be an issue. And I'm
not saying that everything has to be impeccable and perfect, but getting the
basic bases covered is essential. If your bio-writing skills are at a third-grade
level, then what grade level should we expect your music to be at? And claiming
to be a cross between Jay-Z, Nas, 2Pac and Biggie is a horrible opening sentence.
I've read it a few times from different artists and it's definitely not a good
The new Hip-Hop
Disciples is finally done and posted. I know it took a minute and there were
a lot of joints, but it was a long time coming. I know the main criticism to
that tape is going to be that there were a lot of old joints on it and that
it's not very exclusive, but it doesn't really matter. If you think it looks
old or you don't like the tracklisting, just don't download it. It's not costing
you anything either way. The funny thing I've heard about the mixtapes is the
criticism that I don't use a lot of drops and all that. I just don't see the
need to do it. I'm not trying to blow myself up and I've always hated gunshots
and screaming over songs, so I don't do it. And I know I don't mix it that's
why it's not "DJ 730 Presents..." It's just 730 out of respect for
the DJ's. And if you have any of complaints about the way the mixtapes are done,
you're really not obligated to buy it, and on top of that, with the million
other mixtapes out there, you definitely have your selection to choose from.
I was hoping I
wouldn't have to talk about Jurassic 5's Feedback again but then I knew it was
inevitable after I read an article about them in the Sunday edition of the New
York Post. Zaakir said, "I don't care what the conventional rapheads say...one
time I do a song with Dave Matthews and you don't like is no more? Man, you
was never a fan." I don't really see it like that. For a longtime Jurassic
5 fan, Feedback is a hard album to listen to. Am I a bad fan or am I wrong because
I don't want to hear Jurassic 5 with Dave Matthews or Scott Storch? Am I a bad
fan because I'm not going to pay to see them on their new tour even though I
paid for their Power in Numbers tour when they were out with Big Daddy Kane
and the Beatnuts, Smoking Grooves, and Lollapalooza? Being a fan doesn't mean
you blindly accept whatever the artist feels like giving you and you say it's
the greatest thing ever. But seeing Zaakir's point of view, being a fan also
isn't leaving the second you don't like something. Look at the Yankee fans.
They'll boo Alex Rodriguez mercilessly when he's slumping (please make the throw
to first base) but when A-Rod goes on a tear, the fans are cheering for them.
At least you know where you stand with the fans. Right now it seems a lot of
fans are booing Jurassic 5 for the first time and it doesn't look like they
like it too much. I'm still going to check for them on their next album, but
if it has any disasters like "Brown Girl" on it then they can expect
another round of boo's from their fans.
Zaakir then went
on to proclaim his distaste for the "people in hip-hop": "They
make you hate the game. They make you, not hate hip-hop, but the people in it.
I hate the people in it. I hate the people in hip-hop." First off that's
a mature statement. Second off, who exactly is he talking about that he hates?
The writers who give him press and reviews, whether they're good or bad? The
label who puts out his music? Jimmy Iovine? The fans who shell out for the album
and concert tickets? Can't be. Other rappers? Wouldn't make sense because Jurassic
5 and especially Zaakir has never really done a lot of collaborating. MTV and
BET? That'd be more understandable. The radio that never plays their music?
That's understandable. But when you make a blanket statement like, "I hate
the people in hip-hop," you have to give a few names and be specific.
Gotta get back
to Flavor of Love, possibly the greatest TV show ever made (sorry Full House).
Wasn't the fight over the bed already better than anything that happened last
season? Props to Flava Flaaaav.