So I was at Target the other day and I was walking past the CD's. There was
this short fat lil' mom standing there screaming at her son who kept pulling
on her shirt. Apparently, she was looking for the "A-Mary One Thing"
CD. The boy was obviously not an A-Mary fan. The whole fucking store knew the
mom was, because she was screaming "I just want the A-Mary One Thing CD.
Just LET ME GET THE A-MARY ONE THING CD." Now, every time I see Amerie's
sexy lil' ass the face of the dirty-looking soccer mom appears screaming out
"A-MARY!" What's worse is she's probably dancing to that shit right
now in her dirty g-string pushing Ritalin down that kid's throat.
You know what the number one indication is to tell if you're dealing with someone
who thinks they're "industry?" This is just from my experiences, but
the best line is when someone emails you and all they say is "send phone
#." I guess I'm supposed to believe that you're too busy sitting up in
your big comfy desk to open up your cell phone open your address book and punch
it into a landline phone. And I can name at least 20 people that do this. I've
had people do it to me twice in a half hour. A lot of people get into Hip Hop
because they want to be "industry," which is synonymous with the words
"meat-rider," "gay," and "retard." You are not
industry just because you started wearing suits with a Yankee hat. Just because
you got a Blackberry because a Sidekick is "too childish-looking,"
you are not industry. Just because a couple DJ's will play whatever crappy record
you have, you are not industry, a businessman, gangster, or anything other than
lame. What I've also learned about DJ's is that a lot of them are the worst
meat-riders in the world. There's a big group of them that will sell their baby
for a crate of records, just so they can chart them on their little list so
the artists think they're getting play and send them more…and for everyone
thinks college radio is the "pure" Hip Hop shit, you're wrong…it's
all corrupt, just in different ways.
These good industry folks are another reason why I have never gone to any of
those "industry" parties at any of NYC's "trendy" clubs.
Fuck that, I don't even got the right clothes for those things. Like I really
want to dress up and rub elbows with people talking about Jacob watches and
record sales. Shit, get me a 6-pack and let me watch Wednesday Night Baseball
and I'm good…once you get in bed with these labels, you have to watch what
you say. There's no way in hell that I want to get in bed with these fucking
herpes-syphilis-gonorrhea-infested labels. And if you read XXL and Source, that's
their main problem is that they got too cozy with labels and can't speak their
mind anymore.
Speaking of the Source, that shoot-out was crazy. Apparently they were arguing
over what rap CD to listen to. Shit, I didn't even know people at the Source
listened to Hip Hop.
Speaking of not-so-smart people, we can't leave out DJ Neptune and what happened
when he leaked a certain Saigon record that was not supposed to come out for
a minute. Someone gave the track to Neptune on some "listen to what we're
doing" ish, and Neptune apparently told the certain person he deleted the
track…only to have it show up on his mixtape. That's a big problem with
the mixtape game…dudes would rather fuck up relationships and projects
just so they could have an exclusive for one week. And in the mixtape world,
that really means a fucking lot. One track is not enough to make or break a
tape, but it is certainly enough to make people not want to work with you ever
again. I'd like to hear Neptune's side of the story on this, because maybe there's
more to it. Regardless of that track though, as a DJ, website, or radio station,
you have to respect artists and not play certain songs if they don't want you
to. Certain shit gets leaked all the time that's not supposed to, but by being
a dickhead to the artist and their manager, producer, or whoever's involved,
you're only hurting yourself at the end of the day.
So Nas finally came back at 50. He spent the first minute of "Don't Body
Yaself" talking about a bunch of nothing. So a minute off the track and
we're right back to where we started. And didn't Nas say 50 makes music for
little kids? Why come back at someone like that? Then he said "if I sign
y'all, then I'm on dust." Riiiight. If Nas signed 50, 50 would have gotten
nowhere. Although I think he was talking about Mobb Deep with that line. Either
way, whoever got signed would be chauffeuring the Bravehearts around. The Bravehearts
have been around for awhile and Nas never made them pop, so I'm sure artists
are knocking down Nas' door waiting to get signed. Line like "I'm in the
streets like old graffiti" and "they don't want beef, they vegetarians"
would not have been acceptable by anyone else, but since it's Nas, it's like
he gets a pass for weak wordplay. "You're a sucker for death if I'm a sucker
for love" was a hot line. This song is not "ethereal." Hopefully
this is a preview, because this track is like a fly hitting the windshield of
an Anger Management Tour bus.
Eminem made a statement saying he's not retiring.Yes!!! I can finally sleep
again. I was so worried that we might not get another banging hit like "Ass
Like That." Remember when Em used to spit…
Tony Yayo was saying that Game had a problem handling fame. That's funny…wasn't
it just a couple months ago that Yayo had a problem handling freedom?
Missy Elliot's going to be doing Jeep ads now. I guess if you look like a Jeep
it's easier to sell them.
Do you hear that noise? Oh, you don't hear nothing, me neither. I think that
little pitter patter was AJ and Free leaving 106 and Park. Aww man, now Hip
Hop is gonna die. What am I going to do with my day now that I don't get to
listen to AJ fuck up interviews and get on his knees for artists, and Free fucking
up and then looking kind of embarrassed to be a part of the whole show. Where
will the industry find new artists now that there won't be Freestyle Fridays…oh
wait, that'll still be there. Phew…AJ said "There's nothing like 106
& Park, its been a staple in the African-American community for a long,
long time. Five years strong and hopefully it will continue…" Yeah,
five strong years of playing crappy videos and promoting the wrong values to
kids i.e. cars, jewelry, and light-skinned women with low self-esteem are the
pinnacle of success. Shit, the fact that 106 and Park isn't even on 106 and
Park should be indication enough that the shit is corny.
With all this crap coming out of the South, doesn't it make you wonder what
the schools are teaching the kids down there? And anybody in the South, don't
get your panties in a bunch I'm not dissing all Southern music, but even if
you got candy-painted cars and grills and all that, you still have to admit
that a lot of the shit sounds like it was written by an illiterate 14 year-old.
I think HipHopGame needs to start a street credibility rating along the same
lines as the NFL has a QB rating system. Make a point system judging important
variables like amount of drugs sold, type of drugs, arrests, shootings you've
been in, how many bullets you've taken, time spent in jail, number of ho's fucked,
number of STD's you got, how many baby mama's you got, how many big-name rappers
you can talk shit on…I mean, that's all these street DVD's really care
about anyway right?
Besides people talking about "street cred," you know what one of the
worst things in the world is? Fat lifeguards. Fat fucking lifeguards. I was
at the community pool the other day on a field trip with the kids I work with,
and every lifeguard in that piece is a fat slob. How do you get to be a lifeguard
if when you jump in the pool half the water splashes out? And to make it worse,
they sit out in front of the kids smoking cigarettes…fucking inbred lifeguards
suck.
05/13 - 
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