I’m very grateful that the 2008 Presidential Election is over for two reasons, the first being the unsurprising but still surprising election of Barack Obama and the second reason being the hopeful close of any and all persons slightly involved in this crazy world of rap music sending out emails telling people to vote, explaining why they endorse a certain candidate or exclaiming in multi-colored large-print text that their Obama tribute song is attached in the email. Let’s not forget their gratuitous use of exclamation points and CAPITAL LETTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although I (not so) regrettably deleted these emails from people unqualified although perfectly within their rights to offer their political sentiments, two stand out more than others. One had Mick Boogie describing Obama as “the greatest politician ever.” Do what you will with that. The other memorable email came from one DJ Vlad, who said that his internet TV channel Vlad TV was endorsing Barack Obama. And you know what? A funny thing happened to me on that day. I was so set to go to the polls and cast my vote for the most seemingly unstoppable and invincible team of mavericks this side of Dallas in John McCain and Sarah Palin until I clicked on that email. When I found out that Vlad TV was endorsing Barack Obama, I needed some alone time with my brain.
I had never really given much thought to voting for Barack Obama. After all, he wasn’t a maverick and Josh Howard is the man. I can say that without apologizing. Plus we want someone with a lot of experience, right? I really was hoping for four years of a McCain-Palin administration because I really think they both have a great sense of humor and reality. Weren’t they simply hilarious on Saturday Night Live? I’ll betcha you were in stiches that night, don’t ya know! McCain and Palin had my loyal vote and I thought nothing could change that.
And then it all changed. Arriving in my inbox someday before November 4 (the date is unclear to me because of the sheer mindfuck it sent my seemingly clear mind into), I got the email informing me that DJ Vlad was endorsing Barack Obama. My whole world changed.
I had been trying to pay attention to insanely credible news sources like Fox News and the best website ever, FoxNews.com, and they had thoroughly convinced me to go red like tampons this year. But the compelling arguments made by geniuses like Bill O’Reilly paled in comparison to Vlad TV putting links to over 20 Barack Obama YouTube videos in one email AND telling me that Senator Obama had earned their endorsement. From the moment I clicked on that first video, I was flip-flopping like Jay-Z dissing Cam’ron.
After much deliberation I suddenly saw the light. I remember thinking to myself, if this guy is good enough to win Vlad TV’s support, what makes me think that he doesn’t deserve mine? And then when I got emails from all these rappers with their “Obama Victory” song, it just confirmed what I had come to believe in. Yes, hip-hop made all the difference this year.
Some sarcasm aside, one rapper who really did make a difference was Jay-Z. From his concerts to his PSA’s (his name is Hovvvvvv), he really made it cool for other rappers to hop on the political bandwagon and promote Barack Obama, which was incredibly important for the kiddies to see.
What didn’t help was Diddy. You could tell he wanted to be taken seriously but that’s like taking Calvin seriously as he’s giving his high school valedictorian speech while cuddling Hobbes in his right hand. You know the tiger did all his damn homework. I eventually stopped reading the emails Puff Daddy’s publicist felt were necessary as he flooded my inbox like Tubgirl floods a Motel 6 bathroom just for kicks. There was one vlog where he talked all about how Sarah Palin scared him because he thought she was a great speaker. That’s actually when I lost all (emphasis on “all”) respect for his opinions and figured someone on the inside of Bad Boy was trying to sabotage Diddy the same way Veronica Corningstone did Ron Burgandy.
I’ve tried my best to purge most of what Diddy babbled into the camera from my long-term memory, but what I remember is this. The same way Hov was allowed to reintroduce himself, allow me to paraphrase (just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?):
“Sarah Palin scares me. I didn’t know what to expect but when she got up on that microphone, she took control. She’s a great speaker. I don’t even know what she said but the way she spoke, she scared me. Sarah Palin, you scare me. You got it. I don’t know what you said but you scare me. You got up there in front of America and you delivered. What you delivered, I have no idea, but you delivered something and for that I offer you my sincerest praise and respect.”
Just when I thought the election couldn’t be dumbed down anymore…
If Diddy never releases another thought from his head you will hear no complaints from me. What I’m really waiting for is his cameraman and team of “strategists” to be featured on Dirty Jobs because what they’re doing can’t be easy. At all.
And don’t get me wrong. I’m glad that so many DJs and rappers took an interest in this year’s election. It was a monumental election and history was made. All I’m saying is that it’s unnecessary for everybody to jump on “that political thing” because it’s the popular thing to do now. If you’re a drug dealer and we never cared to hear of you poisoning your own community, what makes you think we care about your political leanings? If you’re one of those weirdoes who shop in the boy’s section of department stores because those jeans and shirts really just allow you to be you, then, well, maybe you can find someone somewhere to take you seriously. And if you’re one of those rappers who talks about how many girls they can get and you’ve never been photographed with a girl and you can’t even get a poke on Facebook then why do you think anyone would want to hear your “Yes We Can” song? If you’re really all about what Obama’s about, stop spamming and get out there and really make a positive change somewhere. It’s easy to make a song or send out a mass email about who you support but it’s going to take a lot more effort to prove you’re really ‘bout it ‘bout it.