In bad investment news, Global Media Group bought Death Row for $24 million. I'm not sure what they're going to do with the 20 unreleased 2Pac tracks they got in the deal, but their best bet would be to let them stay unreleased. Unfortunately you can probably get ready to hear 2Pac feat. Akon, 2Pac feat. T-Pain, 2Pac feat. Lil' Wayne, 2Pac feat. (insert other flavor of the moment right here).
Shaq, I get that you still don't like Kobe Bryant. I get that you were more than thrilled when KG and the Celts sent them back to L.A. without a ring. I even get that you think you can rap. What I don't get is how you can get up on stage and ask Kobe to tell you something about yourself that no one, absolutely no one, should ever have the answer to. And you can rip on Kobe all you want, but a) what did you do in Miami without D Wade, b) how far did the Suns go in the Playoffs and, most importantly, c) did you make the Suns a better basketball team? The answers, in order, are nada, nowhere and no. Shaq, Shaq, tell me how losing in the first round and making no impact on a team tastes.
DMX was arrested again, this time for driving without a valid driver's license. At least Swizz Beats sold that firetruck of his so we're not going to have to worry about the X Man bending corners on city streets at 100 miles per hour with the sirens blaring over "Party Up". Sometimes you just have to be grateful for the little things in life.
One trend that's probably not going to stop anytime soon is rappers/DJs/anyone who thinks they matter in rap creating their own "community site" or blog. Maybe it's just me, but I've never really been interested in creating the same profile 50 different times just so I can add rappers who will sign my wall with generic messages like "New song added! Just recorded now! I'm going to be rich!"
Probably the worst example of a blog is Diddy's YouTube blog, where he offers up-and-coming rappers advice on how to blow up: "You gotta do it like you're coming from another planet." Oh, that's all I have to do? Why didn't you tell me sooner? That's great advice. Thank you!
Lil' Wayne, who for some reason sits down with Diddy for this, genuinely looks like he's trying to give good advice, as he tries to tell rappers to be themselves and "to not be different because you end up being the same because everybody's trying to be different." Yogi Berra would be proud. Wayne also said that when he's not on the stage and when he's not in the studio he's on the stage.
Ice T recently commanded Soulja Boy to "eat a d***." Classy move. I'm not a fan of Soulja Boy either, but aren't you taking hip-hop a little too seriously by telling him to "eat a d***"? "Crank That" was not a song I ever wanted to hear, but it's not the first hip-hop song that I never wanted to hear. There's a ton of songs that dropped recently that I don't want to hear. Hell, there's a ton of songs from Ice T's era that I never want to hear again. These old guys are embarrassing themselves by going after Soulja Boy, a 17 year-old kid, when they have done nothing to improve the music scene themselves. If you don't like something you can either complain about it or take action and while I'm not a history major, I do know that any major changes that took place happened through action, not empty complaints meant to generate a buzz over an album no one really cares about.
Ice T, if going at Soulja Boy didn't work for GZA, what made you think it would work for you?
You can watch some of the foolishness here (not recommended):
And then there's Soulja Boy. Dude fired back by claiming that Ice T was the "forefather of my nuts." Way to go, Soulja. Very good response. Clever, original and hilarious. If you don't mind, Soulja, I'm going to borrow that line whenever anyone older than me says something I don't agree with. It's cutting edge and too the point. I'm probably going to use that at the grocery store this afternoon.
Cashier: This coupon expired a week ago.
Me: What are you telling me? You won't use it? That's 40 cents off oatmeal!
Cashier: I can't do it. I'm sorry.
Me: You're the forefather of these nuts. Oh yeah, here's my student discount card too.
Soulja Boy also went on to Wikipedia to learn about Ice T, where he did some mental math and decided that Ice T was born "three centuries ago." That would make Ice T roughly 300 years-old. Soulja Boy also said the last time he heard about Ice T was in Superhead's book, which is an amazing statement because it shows that a) Soulja Boy can read or b) someone read a book to Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy also told Ice T that he should change his name to lemonade because "he's sweet." Good one. I'm sure Ice T has never heard that one.
But Ice T needn't worry because Soulja Boy does not find him attractive, as he yelled, "You ugly as fuck" at the computer screen. I think he meant Ice T was ugly but maybe he's just mad at his computer screen for not being high resolution. Ice T nor the manufacturers of the computer screen could be reached for comment.
You've also got to love how intent Soulja Boy's lackeys are sitting in the background. Them staring at the computer screen is amazing. They're both giving that computer screen the Blue Steel that would make Zoolander jealous. Their timing is perfect too. After every Soulja Boy joke, they burst out into laughter like hyenas on greenies watching Bob Saget standup.
Ice T, I'm not a child psychologist but I know from working with kids that if you approach them in the way you did, they're not going to bow down and "yes, sir" you like you would like them to. If you back a kid into a corner, they're going to come out swinging, regardless of whether or not they know how to land a punch. By calling Soulja Boy out in the manner that you did, not only did you leave no room for intelligent dialogue, you also made yourself a laughingstock to all of Soulja Boy's fans who could have learned something from you. Maybe I'm expecting too much from the legends, but this doesn't seem that complicated, does it?
Rumor has it Ice T was just spotted in an elementary school playground deflating a red rubber ball. Apparently some of the kids weren't kicking it right. I heard Ice T's next move is to stand outside his local high school and challenge kids to a game of one-on-one.
By the way, no one likes Uninvited One-on-One Guy. Uninvited One-on-One Guy is the guy who shows up to the park when you're shooting some hoops. He's got no ball, which means he wants to use yours. He's also probably not dressed to play basketball. He's probably in flannel, blue jeans and boots. Sometimes he's got a hat, most likely with the visor flipped up in an "I'm cool like that" kind of deal. Uninvited One-on-One Guy doesn't ask if you want to play or if he can shoot with you. He just rebounds your ball, slaps at it as he goes behind the 3-point line for his first shot and fires away, either hitting nothing but backboard or sending it completely over the hoop into the bushes. After you chase your ball, he's standing at the free throw line bouncing back and forth screaming, "I'm open! I'm open! Hit me!" You can pass him the ball or not, but this guy is not going away. In fact, you don't pass him the ball and he's only going to get more forceful. He's going to get his shots whether you like it or not. Before you know it, you'll be taking a shot and he'll be going Bruce Bowen on you, not letting you take a 15 footer.
But the only thing worse than Uninvited One-on-One Guy is the fitness basketball player. He's the guy who has no concept of the game but "just wants to get a good sweat." This guy will not be as forceful as our first friend and he most likely will surface in a full court game "because there's more cardio there." Cardio Guy has no concept of the game of basketball, or if he does he chooses not to show it for the sake of burning 15 more calories than everybody else on the court. If you've played pickup ball before, then you know how there's usually one guy who dubs himself the point guard and tries to run some semblance of an offense and Cardio Guy is having none of that. Cardio Guy is too busy running from corner to corner, trying to keep his heart rate up. Covering Cardio Guy is the best because a) if you stand somewhere in the middle he's going to come back to you eventually and b) no one will ever pass Cardio Guy the ball because they don't know if he even knows how to dribble, much less know the rules or intricacies of the game.
I just saw Maino's "Hi Hater" video. If I'm to believe everything I see in the video, I can go to Brooklyn, hate on Maino and a group of smiling kids will be dancing in unison while waving at me to voice their displeasure at my hating. Maino, don't tell me you're going soft on me now that you're over at Atlantic. Are you telling me if I ran up on you and said something like, 'Maino,Ihateyournewsong' and took off running, the Bang Bang Anywhere Gang would smile, do a dance together and wave goodbye to me instead of chasing me down the street with more passion and vigor than Michael Scott in the Rabies Fun Run?
Anyway, in horrible rap news Roccet, who's signed to Jeezy's CTE label, joined in the "Louie Bag" remix, claiming that he keeps his gun in his Louie bag and that he's also cool as a fan. Awesome. No, really. Awesome.
I don't have a Louie bag and if I did, I would not keep my gun in it. Honestly, if you're a dude with a Louie bag, how do you have room for anything in the bag after you've stuffed pride and respect into your murse?
And now that the remix dropped it's becoming more and more apparent that I need to make my "Fannypack" remix happen before someone steals my idea.
05/13 - 
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