Apparently the bad news is not going to stop for Roger Clemens. Now he’s linked to one of John Daly’s ex-wives. Does anyone have a cymbal crash ready? No, oh well, here it comes…It looks like the Rocket sure liked to blast off! Oooohhhhhhhhhh!
Anyway, perhaps the most damaging piece of news to Roger Clemens broke yesterday – the dude was dancing at a party with an 8 foot boa draped around his neck. You could take steroids, misremember taking them, have your trainer ‘roid your wife up in your own bedroom, misremember that, talk about B-12 like it’s the best vitamin in the world and play only half the season and I’m not going to like you, but I’m not going to be a fan either. But you dance around the party with a snake around your neck and I really don’t want anything to do with you.
Also, I’m just curious, what kind of dancing can you do with a snake around your neck? I would imagine an 8 foot long boa constrictor would not be down with Roge doing the Harlem Shake or even the Macarena. And I bet Mindy wasn’t too fond of sharing you with one of JD’s wives. She probably got over it though when the new Animaniacs season started.
Jose Canseco is lucky he wasn’t at that party. You know why? Snakes usually eat rats.
I didn’t hear a cymbal crash.
I came across this email early on Wednesday morning from someone affiliated with Chingo Bling:
“Chingo is making the bold move of shutting down his official myspace page in order to redirect people to his newest creation...
Its www.Superthrowed.net , and it's already been called the "Latin Thisis50" and the "Mexican Myspace." Sign up TODAY!!
So, consider this your personal invite to the hottest thing since empandas at McDonald's! Latinos and hiphop fans are joining by the hundreds...So hurry up and create your own profile, and start promoting yourself and your business!”
I readjusted the text so you didn’t have to see it in size 85 with all different colors, but I didn’t adjust anything else in the message. Rappers, please, do not make another social networking site. The only reason ThisIs50.com is working right now is because 50 is putting time and energy into it and a lot of kids care about what 50 has to say. I have a hard time believing that fans all over the world want to have another site they’re gonna have to upload pics of themselves where they’re five years younger and 50 pounds lighter. On top of that, they’re hoping with all their might they don’t run into the same females that reported them to Tom over at MySpace for stalking them.
Unfortunately, I think we’re going to see a lot of rappers start make their own sites and allow fans to create their own profile while the fans are unknowingly flooded with up-to-the-minute updates on what toilet paper your favorite rapper uses.
Know how I know they use toilet paper? They’re all making shit!
I’m not even gonna ask for a cymbal crash on that one.
The ad for Chingo’s new site also says that fans are joining by the hundreds, but from what I can tell from looking at the site, it looks more like fans are joining by the ones.
One (of many) problem with rappers today is that most of them are looking for the quick fix. Need buzz? I’ll create my own MySpace and somehow get every rap fan to join by sending them unwanted spam. Want music posted on sites on a weekly basis? I’ll do a weekly freestyle. Hey, it worked for Crooked I. Want people to hear your music? A quick “free download” oughta do the trick.
So what’s throwing a lot of rappers off today? There’s no quick fix to get a buzz today. What works for 50 Cent is probably not going to work for Chingo Bling the same way what worked for Crooked I and Stimuli are probably not going to work with everyone else. And honestly, a lot of rappers should be more worried about tightening up their sound before they worry about creating a marketing plan to market the skills they lack.
Apparently there is now a ThisIsMixtapes.com also. All you have to do is register a ThisIs(Insert crappy product you want to promote here).com and watch the money fly in.
And creating your own social networking site but changing “Is” to “Iz” in the address does not make it different. That iz biting.
One name I’ve been hearing a lot about in the past few months is Blu. A few different people told me his album with Exile is dope. I have yet to check it out, but I’ll get to it. But I got Blu’s new album with Ta’Raach, C.R.A.C. – The Piece Talks, and I have to say, that album sounded like c.r.a.p. Another perfect example – what works for groups like Gnarls Barkley is not going to work for everyone.
You know how there’s a few different kinds of weird? There’s the weird girl who dresses differently but somehow pulls it off. And then there’s the weird girl who doesn’t shave her legs and eats worms. I think this album would fall closer to the worm-eating girl than the funky one.
Speaking of funk, where has Dudley Perkins been? I will not stop asking about where my favorite artists are until they resurface, so get used to it.
So Killah Priest dropped one of his Behind the Stained Glass freestyles over one of my beats. Hey, I know it’s not the best beat, but Killah Priest chose it and I think it sounds pretty good. Hell, you can say whatever you want about the song, but Killah Priest chose one of my beats to rock and I’m not going to complain about that.
Anyway, I’m off to the pet store. I’m thinking about buying a bag of beta fish, cranking up my digitally remastered edition of Jock Jams and getting loose. Gotta go!