First things first – is anyone else not surprised that the cops who shot Sean Bell got off? Anyone who’s been semi-awake a small percentage of their life knew, hands-down, that the trigger-happy cops were getting off just like we all knew Al Sharpton would be getting his fat face in front of a camera for a sound byte. Is it a disgrace that Sean Bell will receive no justice? Of course. Is it a surprise? No.
To all the Barry Bonds haters out there, me included, the dude isn’t looking so bad right now, is he? At least he wasn’t befriending 15 year-old country singers a la Roger Clemons. How creepy is it that a 28 year-old dude is making friends with a 15 year-old girl? I remember back in high school when seniors would date freshman and they were considered gross. If that’s bad, what is it when a 28 year-old man is throwing his best stuff to get at her? How do you think those conversations went?
Roger: I can throw a fastball over 100 mph.
Mindy: I can watch TRL all day long!
Roger: My friends call me The Rocket.
Mindy: I like friends!
Roger: One day I’m going to be in the Hall of Fame.
Mindy: One day I’m going to have a big house and it’s going to have lots of ponies in it.
Roger: I’m better than Nolan Ryan.
Mindy: I like ponies!
Roger: You listen to me so well. I feel…I feel like we have this connection. Look, there’s a pony on the ceiling! (slips mickey into Mindy’s Capri Sun while she examines ceiling)
I’d much rather have Barry Bonds on my team with his two lockers, oversized head and bum knees than to have a pedophile. On top of that, the pedophile will probably only play half the season if you’re lucky. The other half of the year will be spent being a Jonas Brothers roadie.
Before I really thought a lot about it, I couldn’t understand how parents could let their 15 year-old daughter make friends with a creepy guy who calls himself The Rocket, but the parents were already pimping her if they were trying to make her a country music star, which apparently isn’t working out too well today. Just as parents gladly allowed their children to climb into bed with Jacko, apparently these parents weren’t too concerned about Roger chilling with their little girl. So who should do more time in jail, Roger or the parents?
Is it just me or is The Rocket looking more and more like Teabag of Prison Break fame every day?
Hey, how ‘bout that Hall of Fame pitcher who lied about taking steroids and even watched his wife get shot up with ‘roids for a photo shoot? Hmm, I can’t think of his name. I must be misremembering. Shoot, where’s my trainer. I gotta get my B-12 steez on.
Almost as bad as Roger Clemons hanging out with high school freshman is Papoose telling a volunteer EMT squad to come down to a video shoot so he can stage the death of Uncle Murder. Hilarious, Pap. This is why most rappers can’t handle their own marketing. Even if everything went smoothly with the filming, that video would not have been funny. No one cares about Papoose and Uncle Murder beefing. The EMT squad is actually doing what Kay Slay should have done – not allow the video to come out. Although Trigger-Happy Pappy may be getting sued, he should gladly pay whatever they want and consider it the EMT’s career consultation fee because they just did him a huge favor.
And you have to love how Rocky Robinson of the EMT squad had this to say about Papoose – “He probably hasn't got much, but we'll sue anyway. Our image is everything to us." If a dude is named Rocky and survived high school, I’m guessing he’s a pretty tough guy because with a name like that, you’re going to be getting called a lot names and challenged to a lot of fights. Pap, Rocky just did you like Donald Trump did Rosie when he said, “I never went bankrupt, but she said I went bankrupt. So probably I’ll sue her because it would be fun. I’d like to take some money out of her fat-ass pockets.”
Papoose better watch out before Rocky threatens to send one of his guy friends to Remy the way The Donald threatened Rosie when he said, “Rosie is somebody out of control who really just doesn't have it. And she ought to be careful 'cause I'll send one of my friends to pick up her girlfriend, and I think it would be very easy.”
Sorry, you know I can’t resist working in The Donald’s quotes on Rosie the same way Tubgirl can’t resist a stack of Taco Bell burritos before bath time.
Apparently Jay-Z is so bored with his $150 million record label deal that he’s ghostriding on Deshawn Stevenson. Check some of his, dare I say, notable lines...
“Yay Area, they showed me so much love when I was down there, I had to get hyphy on this” – No, you really didn’t.
“Ask my dude Lebron, we’re so big we ain’t gotta respond” – But, um, I’m going to respond. But just so you know, I don’t have to!
“I gotta keep it real/It’s going to take seven movies by Will/Seven movies at $20 mil and you’re still $10 short from what I did with one deal” – Get used to hearing about how much money Jay got on a record label…On another note, if they’re giving Jay $150 mil, when exactly does he have to go work for them and get them some kind or return on their ridiculous investment?
“This is chess, know the difference between a king and a pawn” – Take that, Deshawn Stevenson! Ouch. Well, not really…And I hate the Wizards, but when Jay can run one pick up game with Deshawn Stevenson, then maybe he can talk about him. I wonder what Kanye and his Connect 4 steez (worked the word in twice in one column, score!) would have to say about this.
Jay, if you’re going to rap, please rap. But if your focus is on business, do business. But does anyone else remember when Jay’s throwaway freestyles were better than other dude’s whole albums? That is one thing I do not misremember.
On Cassidy’s “Come On Baby” freestyle, he says, “You don’t love me, I know you hate me/You wanna tie me up and duct tape me.” I would tell Cassidy that it might be best if he alerts the authorities, but Papoose probably has them all rushing to Brooklyn to see if they can save his career.
Papoose gave XXLMag an update on his “prank” by saying, “The video was intended to show that the volunteer ambulance company actually responds to save lives faster than the police or city ambulance does. Instead of focusing on videos, [Daily News writer] Veronika Belenkaya should focus on more serious topics like innocent black men being killed by the police.” Uh huh. Nice try, Pap. I’m just not buying that excuse. The way Trigger-Happy Pappy is talking, he’ll have you believe he’s going to be making PSAs on PBS to combat teen pregnancy and drunk driving.
And maybe Veronika Belenkaya wrote about what you did because it was stupid, immature and irresponsible. We’re lucky we have people willing to volunteer their time to save other people’s lives and manipulating and embarrassing them is not right no matter how you look at it.
But hey, I’m sure those volunteers had nothing better to do than be an extra in a straight to internet video. It’s not like they had any lives to save or anything, right?
By the way, where is Saigon’s album?
Game is apparently releasing his version of “911 is a Joke” this Tuesday, which I think is great. My only question is why do rappers usually only get political when they have an album coming out?
Thanks to Buckshot for the good interview. It’s always good catching up with Buckshot Shorty and it’s always interesting to hear what he has to say. The thing with Buckshot is you never really know what he’s going to say. One thing I do know though is that you can ask him one question and he’ll answer three to four questions in that one response. That’s also the first time I’ve ever interviewed someone getting approached by a street vendor, or maybe that was just a dude who found a leather jacket and was trying to turn a profit. Props to Buckshot for not buying the jacket and for staying focused on the interview.
Let’s hope whoever wants to tie Cassidy up and duct tape him misremembers where he lives, whoever’s holding up Saigon’s album misremembers to show up for work and Papoose misremembers that he doesn’t like Papoose so we never have to hear either one of them diss each other again. Sounds like we need a celebration. Pass the B-12, please.
05/13 - 
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