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6/24/2009   Eminem let Bruno teabag him to promote his movie and Relapse. Would you let N.O.R.E. teabag you to promote your new album Chemical Warfare?  I’m somewhere between “hell yes” and “hell no.” I’m somewhere in between that.  Why would you say “hell yes”?  Actually not. I would never let anybody. I don’t what anybody said but when we see Bruno we’re gonna bodyslam him. He violated, man. That shit was foul. Yo, son, I don’t want to snitch but it’s already out on him. You know what I’m saying? I don’t want to spell it out but the t-i-c-k-e-t is out on him. You know what I mean? Yo, word up! You know what I’m saying? Watch your back, son.  Speaking of N.O.R.E., you two have had some epic verbal battles on Twitter. How do you approach an argument with N.O?  Um, did you ever see Delirious with Eddie Murphy? That shit was mad funny. Word. Delirious was ill! There was some good shit in there.  So how do you argue with N.O.R.E?  Did you know that in Jaws, that was Roy Schieder? Yo, you gotta see it! Roy Schieder killed it! Killed it! You would really be scared of sharks after you see this. They had a reenactment of it in Universal Studios and it was so bad but we would sit through it and be like, ‘Here comes Jaws!’ It was so fun. That’s what we did when we were kids. That was exciting.  Did you smoke before this interview?  Not really but, man, I had them pour in so much of that caffeine into the coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts. Like, they scraped the bottom of the caffeine bucket to give me that extra shot ‘cause you know, interviews are really a lot of work. And sometimes interviews are boring when I read them. I’m going for the Don King approach.  You got a prizefighter and good hair?  He’s just so great. He just makes the interview so interesting. Big up Don King, man. He’s like, see, not a lot of rappers in an interview would say they want to give a shout out to Don King.  You’re the first on HipHopGame.  That’s what I’m saying! Originality is a must, B. Shout out to Don King. Straight up. And shout out to his stylist, ‘cause he does have a stylist or somebody giving him pointers on his hair. So shout out to that person, whoever that might be. That’s what I’m talking about. That’s what I’m talking about.  Do you have a stylist?  I don’t, I don’t. Maybe I need one. I probably need one.  I don’t have one either.  Yeah. Well, maybe we’re lacking in that department. I’m not very stylish.  Who needs to be when Old Navy has all those great sales?  You know what I’m saying? Old Navy is pretty much all the swagger I need to turn on. That’s enough swag for me. That’s like, cargo shorts are just bundles of swag, but on the low.  You can put a lot of things in those pockets.  You know what I’m saying? And the drawstring. How ideal is that?  I know!  At least somebody’s with me. Drawstrings, man, killer. I was upset in Superbad when they dissed them and said that the only guy that got head in cargo shorts was in ‘Nam. I was like, ‘Wrong!’ I’m saying, me, many a shorty untied the drawstrings of the cargo shorts.  You don’t want the elastic waistbands though.  Yeah. Those are not my cargo shorts of choice. Word.  You’re the first person to publically admit shopping at Old Navy on HipHopGame besides me.  Yeah. Fuck. Old Navy, B. Come on.  You do have an album coming out. Do you want to talk about that now or do you want to do the obligatory album promo at the end?  It’s really up to you, man. Chemical Warfare is an album I have coming out. Yeah. It’s coming out. It’s actually coming out. I can say that with 115% certainty this time. It will come out on July 7th with 129% certainty.  I’m getting married on July 11th. Should I play Chemical Warfare at the wedding?   You’re getting married? Hmm. Sorry about that.  It’s for the tax break.  That’s what it is! It’s really just a business merger. Is she paid? She’s paid! Then it’s a promotion. Congratulations on your promotion then. It’s a business merger! That shit is great! Hey, surrender the pants.  When you work on the internet you don’t need pants. You recently Twittered that you were making beats for Prodigy on cassette tape. Is that true?  Yes. In all actuality I am actually putting beats on cassettes and sending them to P.  Are you just gonna hope that he remembers the rhymes when he comes out and then record them?  They got some crazy shit out. This is what I heard. It’s a rumor and don’t quote me on that but I heard that in jail, if you get pull, you can get paper and like a pencil or a pen. If you know people. P made a couple power moves and he got himself a hold of some paper and he wrote, don’t quote me, but he wrote things down on paper, physically, so there’s a good chance, don’t quote me, but there’s a good chance that he’ll still have them when he’s released.  So maybe I didn’t phrase that question the right way. What are you gonna do if other rappers want to buy those beats that you dubbed for P?  Anybody who’s that interested will just have to wait until the god P comes home and then we’ll see what happens. But just know that music doesn’t stop. We have telephones and paper and communication and he’s writing and I’m making the beats and you can pretty much guarantee that we’re going to make some good shit. We’re both conscious of what we’ve already made and we’re not going to make the same shit. We’re both staying working and it’s nothing. The world ain’t ready, I guess.  What could the world do to be more ready?  Um, carry on. You know, nothing to see here. You know. Just keep it moving. If they have a nice lawn, they should water it regularly and on a certain period of the year, I’m not sure what month of the year, they should pay their taxes. They should definitely pay their taxes. And brush your teeth regularly and flossing as well. People don’t floss enough. So make sure you floss and brush. There’s a couple things there. I think if you start off on those I think you’ll probably be doing all right.  When Eminem recorded “Chemical Warfare,” did you take any muscle relaxers or any pills that he shouts out in the song?  What’s the stuff, like the laughing gas?  Anesthesia?  Yeah. They have an anesthesia room, an anesthesia sauna because it’s so dope. There are certain things that he does when he rhymes and certain techniques that I wasn’t allowed to witness. It was so dope that I had to be under the sedation of a room of drug cloud and I was then unconscious and then a beat paramedic came in and woke me up with the little salt sticks that they give to football players when they’re knocked out. They woke me up with one of those shits and they delivered me a CD and Eminem was gone. It was almost like the Men In Black thing. I don’t remember anything that happened. I just had a new song and it was dope.  Do you think that happens to D12 too?  I don’t know but if anybody who believes any of the things that I just said, if you believe it, I also have a small island for sale and I invented ice and I own publishing to the word “it.” So if you choose to use that word at all in any of your publishings, then you need to holler at me, if you believe anything that I said prior to this statement.   Is that your disclaimer if people start asking Eminem about the laughing gas chamber?  I have another disclaimer for that but I would need a fax machine to fax over to you. You know, that’s only if it gets more serious. But I’ll keep you posted if it gets to that level.  How did you decide what rappers you wanted on Chemical Warfare?  I just thought who would be incredibly hot and amazingly relevant around July 7th, 2009. I just thought about who would be really hot at that moment and it all worked out. July 7th is the Chemical Warfare date.  I gotta ask…  You gotta ask. You gotta ask this question, but you don’t gotta get married. But you gotta get married.  How did you think to put Twista and Maxwell together on the same record?  Why? Why the fuck would I put those two people on a record? It’s like what does peanut butter and jelly…Do you ever eat strawberries and peanuts? Grapes and peanuts? Who had the nerve and the gall to blend peanuts into butter and mix it and spread it with jelly and then put it in between two motherfucking pieces of bread? Who had the nerve? This motherfucking asshole! Who had the nerve? Who had the nerve to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I would have to give them a running high five. Running and jumping.  Can you actually do that?    I can do a running high five. Running high fives are hot. Usually when P comes out of the booth after he kills it, I’m like, ‘Running high five!’ and we run like a Toyota commercial and jump and give each other a running high five.  Only dudes in cargo shorts can pull that off.  I’m telling you, the running high five, listen, if you think P. Diddy doesn’t do at least five running high fives in the studio a day, you’re bugging, and he’s doing just fine. Shout to Ciroc.  What is there to high five about in Bad Boy studios today?  I don’t know but this is brought to you by Ciroc. This is being brought to you by Ciroc.  Dre’s got Dr. Pepper. When are you gonna get your own commercial?  This is brought to you by Ciroc. Basically as soon as somebody is intelligent enough and wants to make a whole lot of money and figures it out. In the meantime I have a collaboration with Diamond. They made Alchemist Diamond shirts for a limited time. They figured out that they wanted to get super-rich and make millions and millions of dollars off of this multi-zillion dollar network that I’ve created known as Alchemist, brought to you by Ciroc.  Is that stuff even good?  Look, man, I’m getting a check. Diddy’s breaking bread. So in the meantime, shout to Ciroc.  You probably don’t even drink it.  Look, blasphemy. Don’t ever utter such words!  Sorry.  All right. Don’t play yourself. Ciroc is real. Diddy, he’s cleared. All right. Cool. I’ll let Diddy know that everything’s straight. You almost violated the Ciroc code. You know the bacteria, the hands stuff, the little handwash, they got Ciroc ones now.  Hand sanitizer?  Yeah. Hand sanitizer.  You kind of need that if you’re getting drunk and hooking up with random people.  Yeah. Come on. Straight up. Those guys are geniuses.  Do you carry the travel-size hand sanitizers with you on a regular basis?  Straight up. When I give you a pound, most likely five seconds before and five seconds after and it’s always a close-fisted pound. But, you know, it’s nothing but love.  What about running high fives?  A running high five is a guaranteed hand sanitizer. Guaranteed. This is interview skills, brother. This is why I get the big, big, big bucks.  You might be good but J.R. Writer’s got you.  Did he try to outshine me in interviews?   The answer to almost every question was the album title. What’s going on with Dipset? Politics and Bullshit. What’s going on with this? Politics and Bullshit.  Man, this guy…You know, (sighs) the level of genius. I knew he was really smart but now I’m upping him to the “Genius” category. He was in the “Really Really Smart” category but now J.R. Writer is in the “Genius” category.  He’ll be pumped.  Shout out to J.R. Writer.  You can shout out the album again.  Well, Chemical Warfare. That’s the name of the album. There’s a lot of cool rappers on it. Some cool, funky beats. A lot of cool, funky rhythms.  You’re doing interviews all day today. How do you prepare for that?  I think of the dumbest shit that I could possibly say and then I practice. I say dumb shit into the mirror. I usually do that for two hours and then I do a running high five to the mirror a few times. Practice my game face and do a couple of sit ups and handstands and cartwheels, just the regular calisthenics that I can do inside my apartment and really, really psyche myself out for the crazy, next-level questions that are going to be thrown at me, kind of like a little sparring thing you do with yourself, get ready for the jab and the uppercut of questions.  What questions do you enjoy better, the “what do you think of hip-hop?” questions or…  (interrupts) Those are fucking great! Love those! I love those! My favorite one is, “What do you feel about the current state of hip-hop?” The “current state of hip-hop question,” if you say that and I know that you are definitely a journaliste, not a “journalist,” but with a “journaliste,” it’s like you could be an “artist” or an “artiste,” you’re a “journaliste.”  Thanks. Or do you like the ones where someone will take samples you use and relate it to Lord of the Rings and philosophies?  I enjoy the questions that make me look stunning, outstanding, smart and amazing and make all the ladies swoon and the ladies say, “ooh” and the crowd say, “oh.”  Do the ladies swoon more when you have albums coming out?  The ladies swoon. All I can think of is the old clips of ladies around the Beatles or Elvis passing out. Listen, I’ve been known to be somewhat of a player with the ladies. It’s been a good run.  You’re not the type to slip mickeys in their drinks?   Nah, man. I’m all le-gal. I’m strictly le-gal with mine, brother. There’s no need for any hypnosis. They swoon. The cologne is enough to get them ready to bone in the zone of Al Capone.  You’ve been on Twitter for a minute. Should there be any rules on Twitter?   There are no fucking rules! There are no rules but I don’t know, man. Twitter will expose you. Don’t take it too seriously.  Wale got busted on Twitter for saying he didn’t like an interview during an interview and the DJ saw that during the interview. Would you Twitter something like that?  That’s interesting. I guess you must not be on Twitter now because I just wrote, “This fucking interview sucks.”  Hold on. I don’t see it.  Oh, man, I hit the cancel button just in time. Ooohhh. Word. It was about to go. I didn’t do that. I always have fun with your interviews, actually. You’re almost as dumb as I am. You gotta get a little dumber. Dumb it down. You’re a little too smart. All that graduation shit, yeah, that shits for the birds, son. Real Gs don’t graduate. Word up. Shit, Kanye West, it did pretty good for Kanye, huh? It did pretty damn good for Kanye West! Shout out to not graduating!  And you’re still making beats, right?  I got a whole little factory of little elves with little mini ASRs making little fresh beats and then I can come in and go, “Yes, it sounds good!” and stamp it with my stamp. “Al, Al, Al, Alchemist.”  I still like that drop.  I was gonna get rid of it, but if you say keep it, I will. You’re the man.  Your brother still manages you right? What does he have that I don’t?  Should I fire him because he’s not good or fire him because he doesn’t have what you have because that would be more of a conflict of interests than a fact.  I can take you to the proverbial next level.  Next level? So you’re implying that there’s something the current management is not doing and you possess the skills and the keys to the proverbial lock that I’ve been trying to break all these years and I’m stuck underground but you have the key to the lock.  Look, I think I can…  “Think” is not a word that should come out of anything. You shouldn’t even think the word “think.”  I know I can get Gucci Mane’s friend to listen to your beats.  You’re sounding a little more confident now. Jesus.  So we have a deal?  Uh, no. It’s a good start. You’re confidence level just jumped up. It’s good. You’re on your way to being a confident yet not qualified manager.  Neil’s never gonna return another one of my emails now, is he?  (laughs) Neil hates you now.   It’s the cost of doing business.  You had to go for it. You had to give it a shot and you know, you gave it a shot. We appreciate it. It’s like the guy at halftime who takes a shot and he misses. He doesn’t get the $20,000 but he gets a free Bank of America shirt. You get a shirt.  Why don’t I get a Diamond Alchemist shirt?  We’ll get you a free Diamond Alchemist shirt for your courageous attempt to knock Neil off the management position.  Maybe I should call Havoc and check on his management.  Call Havoc because the last interview you did with him that was so informative and so entertaining. I was on the edge of my seat for the duration of it, especially the questions that you posted. They were really thought-provoking and it really was an awesome display of journalisting.  We’re all allowed weak moments, aren’t we?  (laughs) Yeah. I have my weak moments. Yes, I agree. You’re allowed that interview. You have a past. Everybody refer to the Havoc interview so you can see what we’re talking about. Shout out to Havoc, who is my brother from another mother.  So there’s no chance of me managing you, I can’t manage Havoc. What can I do to break into this game?  Either shoot somebody or shoot yourself in a body part that’s not threatening so you’ll live.  So go the Gravy route?  I didn’t say that. I’m just simply saying you should do that generally without making reference to any past, present or future occurrences that have happened.  So you’re saying to shoot myself in the butt so I can star in a movie?  No. You’re saying it.  Didn’t you say that? Someone did.  I didn’t say all that! That’s maybe your interpretation of it. A little duck crept into the room and farted and that came out next.  I’ll go shoot myself.  I wouldn’t recommend that you do that, actually.  But you told me to.  Don’t believe anything that I say. Your best bet is to not believe anything that I tell you.  I’m guessing you’re rapping on Chemical Warfare as well?  Sorry. I apologize in advance for any lyrics and bars that I waste on top of these amazing, incredible, earth-shattering beats. You might have to sit through a couple of my raps. I’m sorry.  Hey, I have the Havoc interview to my name and you have rapping to yours. Neither one of us is perfect.  You know what I’m saying? Ooh, nice one. You were lining up for that one. There you go! Shit. Where can we go now? You pretty much topped out this interview.  I’m actually just killing some time ‘til I do this Styles P interview.  It’s good that I’m here to kill your time. You’re a great guy. A great guy.  Sorry, man, you took a stab at my integrity.  Well, you know, it’s well-known that I’m not really a rapper. Sorry, fellas, ladies and gentlemen.  So how much rapping of yours do we have to sit through?  You’ll have to wait and see. But I am sorry, ladies and gentlemen.  With most rappers we hit the rewind button on verses…  (interrupts) Nah. I’m more of a fast-forward kind of guy. Who else is on this joint? Ooh, Kool G. Rap. Alchemist? Skip, skip, skip this motherfucker. But you’ll enjoy it. You’ll enjoy the awful tones that I choose to rap in and you’ll just enjoy that I’ve deteriorated since my days as a Hooligan.

By Brian Kayser

[74] REACT